rain's the way god cleanses a world stained red

Thousands have died. There's so much I wish I could do. In all that I have, and have been buying, there are so many ppl out there who no longer have anything. The waves have washed away everything cos they dun believe in banks, or insurance, or investments. Having little in terms of intangible savings, and investing only in physical goods, nothing remains now for them. Not even family. On Monday, I even thought of taking a flight over to Sri Lanka to offer assistance. Then I realised I have nothing to offer. I'd prolly only contribute to spreading watever disease may be pervasive there now.

The media screams out the growing number of dead. But what about the many who still live and no longer have anything? And the sick truth of it all, when the markets closed on Monday, many exchanges were making new highs. The quake was strong enuff to disrupt the rotation of the earth, yet the death and destruction did not even make a dent to the economy of the world. It seemed to me as tho no one cared about them.

Then came the news of more terrorist activities in Iraq, Saudi Arabia, revellers in Argentina.. more bad news. None of this affects them. Asia is too far away, the poor are underserving of our attention cos we're not directly affected in any way. Its the same here in Singapore. We're entrenched in our good fortune, we dun see beyond our noses. Do we realise how close we were to sharing their fate? I suppose it can't be helped, most of us prolly dunno wat to do, like me. We contribute any way we can, with cash, clothes, pills. We help with whatever we can. There are human lives at play here.

The good thing abt this whole event is to see how fast the world rallies behind the disaster and quickly acts to contribute to alleviating in whichever way we can. I dun care who feels who has not contributed enuff. World politics and saving faces. The impt thing is that aid gets distributed properly and to the most needy. Hopefully hoarding n preferential distribution is no longer an issue, and the aid gets to the ones who need it.

I've done my part, but I feel more can be done. What can one insignificant bugger do to change anything? In respect for the dead and the ppl who suffer, I'll light a candle for them this New Year. It's the least I can do.

On another note, we alwiz ask, where is god in such situations. Ppl say he works in mysterious ways. Sometimes he does things for an unknown reason that may or may not be revealed to us. During the East Timor debacle some years ago, I actually tot - why doesn't god smite them and kill off those barbarians once and for all. In retrospect, I think those were rather immature thoughts. And somehow, I feel a tinge of regret for even thinking that, especially now when it seems as tho the hand of god has struck. If u believe in god, pls pray for the victims.

you aren't handsome and i'm not pretty, we're two average people in an average kind of love. there isn't anything about you i like especially, and i don't like everything about you, but somehow it makes you more believable, more real... and far from detracting from your attractiveness, your imperfection makes me like you so much deeper. so as two imperfect people, hopefully our relationship will let us cover the weaknesses of the other... and we can become closer to the perfect, together!
~my love

X'mas isn't X'mas..

It's that time of the year once again. Christmas time is here. As with the previous few years, Xmas is just a chore to me. Being the person who finds it hard to get pressies for others, Xmas is a time when this pressie getting culminates. In the end, I win by doing nothing. But guilt usually pushes me into breaking the inertia eventually, and the closest ppl get the brunt of my "love".

I'm not saying i unwillingly do it, I just dun have a thing for gift-buying. I'll gladly give gifts, its just the thinking of wat to get and the actual shopping that I detest.

In any case, I rem Xmas as a kid was much more of an event than now. Then it was all about me, my parents and toys. There was no need to take on responsibility or to show love to your neighbour etc. The selfish person in me manifested at Xmas then, and no one bothered of course. Now tho, its different. Xmas isn't xmas until midnite mass. haha.. and its not the mass that changes things - its the ppl, the hugging, the well-wishing, the drinking and eating.. And then the next 2 days of recovery.. haha

Xmas 2 yrs ago was a torrid affair cos I was sick frm diarrhea that reared its stools rite after supper. Xmas last yr wasn't that memorable. Wine-drinking @ leon's was it? Vincent n Duane puking in my arms. hmm.. yeap. should be.

What's to happen this year? Punting begins now!

Here's an advance Merry Christmas wishing to all my readers and friends! *xmas hug* =D

Team Canada

Team Canada

I often mentioned that I have great respect for the Canadian Kendo Team. I happened to watch both of their pre-tournament practices in Scotland, and since then, have always been slightly in awe of them. Their moustachio'd coach who instills fear from his girth and posture, Ariga for his incisive attacks, Ara and his blood-curdling kiai, Asaoka for his bulldog scariness, M.Raymond the nito-ryu player, S. Kamata for his cool calculative attacks and the rest whose names I can't recall, but their spirit I won't forget.

Afterthoughts: LKC Tournament 2004

Afterthoughts: LKC Tournament 2004

I would have liked to post a nice entry on my revelations on Kendo of late, but Blogger or my lagging computer would not let me. It erased my nice 3 paragraphs of emotion filled writing and now this is all tht's left.

I've come to realise how much Kendo has gone beyond just personal for me. From my previous revelation of how a sempai should be, I now see beyond just my own NUSKK. Singapore Kendo is made up of the little groups. And it is when these groups come together, do we see how varied our knowledge is. Being a sempai in SKC and NUSKK, and even NYP, I realise how much of what I do affects the next generation, which in turn affects Singapore Kendo as well.

There are many small things that happened today, at the Lim Kwa Chwee Memorial Tournament 2004. Many small things that contributed to me realising the part I play in this big family. All of us probably have much to share that others may or may not realise, or need reminding. I admire my senseis whom I have learnt from, and I just want to improve my own understanding and application to the level that is expected of me. Especially with the impending departure of Kato sensei and Takeuchi sensei who have been a big part of my foundation, I now see what lies ahead, and the role all of us have to play in it. Again, I'll gladly shoulder it now, and share the weight with the rest of my Kendo family.

Ganbatte!

Over the last 2 weeks, I've started trading futures for real, not on paper anymore. Let's just say the learning curve hasn't been kind on me. Mock trading is very much different from real trading, cos when there's money involved, everything changes.
But today.. today... was a good day! Hopefully this is my turning point. =)

oh, i killed a cockroach today
i watched it crawl all along the bathtub
and when I got sick of it cos i wanted to bathe,
i took out the baygon n gave it a quick spray
I watched n waited for the poison to take effect

ohyea.. before I sprayed it, i saw it cleaning its feelers slowly
almost meticulously
and i observed the way it felt its way arnd
touching pausing, quick steps and stopping again

it took a while to die
I'd stepped back after administering the poison
the roach ran at first spray.. then it came back
then scrambled to the middle of the ledge

i realised it just dropped a lump of gooey stuff
that was panic
shitting in its pants

then it got disoriented and ran thru its own shit
smearing it
it prolly din even noe
din even care
it prolly knew it was dying
his thousand relatives couldn't help him now

it ran to the head of the tub and stopped
where it dropped off a little bit more faeces
here it panicked again
and ran about in circles
and just abt flipped over

trying to drag its carapace while on its back
smearing shit again

it finally collapsed into the hole in the tub
so there it was, sitting with its belly pointing at me
I watched as it twitched its last twitch
as it finally drew its last breathe
and felt its last surface

i looked at the mess its dying left
and regretted killing it immediately

Death is a messy business

I want:

I want:

1. MacFarlane Dragon.
2. Cowboy Spawn
3. Voldo from Soul Calibur 2
4. Spawn of course. How nice, a cross in the background. Dad mite approve.
5. Shrek! These are nice too!
6. the Crow
7. Ancient Wyrm!
8. Kaneda with motorcycle from Akira!
9. Ninja from Solid Snake
10. Samurai archer
11. Lotus (repaint)
12. Nitro Riders (I nvr saw this before!!) If I were to choose one, it be this.

Oh, and this is what I remember from the first time I read Spawn. Very graphic.. "i scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.."

And of course, HR Giger inspired this. I've alwiz been a skeptical fan.

Then there's the Headless Horseman from Sleepy Hollow!

Vash the Stampede looks cool..

All the above taken from Spawn.Com.

SiMSCI shot up over 30 points today. 1/3 of that I couldn't do anything abt, but from tht point on to the top, all I did was suck thumb and watch it go up. I am the epitome of frustration today. EPITOME. or the morass of it. more ass. argh. My first 3 days of trading haven't been good. This was presented to me as prolly the best opportunity of all, and I missed it, then didn't dare to go in after that, expecting it to turn down. damn. Trend is your friend, dammit.