hey gorgeous, last nite was wonderful.. salsa.. dancing.. 2 sweaty bodies caught in the heady mix of music and light alcohol.. twirling around, gyrating to the rhythms, feeling each other's movement. tantalising, provocative, oh so sexual.
*editted section*
the electricity emitted between us could have charged the whole dance floor tht nite. we just moved so well together. I'd die to dance with her once again.

decadence of life We had a Sex in the City marathon last nite with old KFH buddies in Prick's room till late. I din realise tht the series was so good! We just watched one after the other, back to back. Broken often by smatterings of comments of cheered-agreement, slaps and laughter, we almost finished off the entire 1st season! Its many discussions on relationship problems reflect our own lives, minus the rampant sex.. The 4 protaganists in the show kinda reminded me of the many girl-friends I have the priviledge of noeing and their girl groups where they discuss bfs, ex-bfs, sex, current flings, and bitch in general. its so cool!
Anyway, hunger pangs struck and I had to drag the bums out of the room for supper at Duckie's. mmm.. its been so long since I had the deliciously succulent Duck noodles, it seems to have gotten better too! We talked abt the fun we were gonna have on sat nite, and future drinking parties at Gail's near-complete house. This came about after a discussion on the merits of partying with a group of frens (without the option of "cruising"). Here's to many more to come!

In.Retro. Fr Erbin gave an insightful talk. It was similar to the theme of ideology but with regards to Catholicsm. Apparently many in CSS Arts have already been having this discussion before. I realised during this camp tht I have a burning desire inside me. Its just that I cannot fully believe, or I believe I cannot convince others. I want to do smtg, but it could be becos I like to do many things as it is. Mre reflection needs to be done here, but I'm too tired rite now.
In other news, I got offered honours in Sociology.. not wat I wanted to do, but I'll prolly just do it cos I want the extra year to think things thru, and settle the rest of my life. Stuff I didn't do last year cos I was way too out of focus, chasing after the wrong things in life.

I am not going to be a kaypoh anymore. I am not going to be the bridge between people who dun seem to be communicating well anymore. I will no longer try to help my friends cos they will just get pissed at me, and result in me getting pissed at them. I am just a meddlesome piece of shit who just wants to violate your privacy cos I have no life. I am also a mercenary spy in the pay of certain persons in Australia. F-ing sue me, then arrest me pls. and while you're at it, carry on laying your repressed feelings over me and lock me up in a jail cell so I can be your plaything which u can lord over as well too.

am going thru' slight turmoil now, nothing's really settled enuff to write. In any case, I was at Sentosa today with KFH buddies, and we had a ball, took many pics, hope to see them soon. I'd love to go watch the stars there one nite, again. beaut!
CSS Retreat "In.Retro".. till Wed. and Possible dive trip coming weekend! Nothing really holding me back.. so.. ka-splash! =)

you're like a shooting star:
much-anticipated; hard to catch.
your fleeting presence such a wonderful sight to behold,
yet your departure leaves much to be desired.
when you appear, I'm immediately enamoured.
but you're gone just as soon as you came,
leaving me star-struck and longing for more.
Seeing not the beauty in these other bulbs,
I yearn only for tht elusive star.

I feel so stupid.

Today, a day like no other. was supposed to be at the beach today, but tht plan got cancelled, unfortunately. out the window with all my uncalled-for plans and schemes! who needs 'em? best made plans are impromptu rite? So I'm here to with this link to a cute flash done in the style of Benny Hill's trademarked chases (minus the scantily-clad women) of the whole Bush schtick (thks to suee). Gosh I miss late-nite Benny Hill shows..
yea, so tonite I'm supposed to play model for buddy ALCY. he got a new Hasselblad camera, and wants to do portfolio shots of Ans, myself and CY (his gf). hey! I just realised both him and gf are CYs! hehe... anyways, my buddy here is a budding photographer, with the rite equipment, experience and frens. All he needs now is to develop his lighting ability (I've alwiz had a prob with the lighting in his shots) and he'll be able to strike out soon and do tht nudie thing he was talking abt. benefits good buddies like me, methinks? =)
I've modeled previously (believe it or not), but like I told him then, I can only model body la, my mug ruins the shot! and I proved to be rite. so this time round he wants to hide me in my kendo armour. haha! see how it turns out, I dun really like seeing myself in armour, strangely - I'm not impressed.. dunno if its possible for him to catch focus and spirit on film.

wat am I feeling? dun really noe. just feel like buryingmyselfonceagain... but the oppressive heat makes lazing in bed so damn hard. everything I'm feeling, seems to emanate from one source. how does one spread himself over other things? there can be so many things that u can allow to take precedence in your life, but how issit tht some ppl just dwell on one? motivation is so hard to come by. a mental game perhaps? I used to be good at those. seems I'm giving up a lot these days. wimp. wat to do? mebbe I'll start the whole tryeverythingoncesoyounoewatitslike phase again. so far only diving's been effective. and i can guess why. die la like this.

A Day at Pulau Ubin. I went down to Ubin by myself today, not for OBS, or any canoe trip. just went down with some frens to cycle. a day of cheap fun, close to mother nature, and a side of Singapore we can rarely find on the mainland anymore. old dirt roads, cars tht travel at 5km/h, old shophouses and huts built on sticks over the sea.. reminds me of Singapore when I was growing up, when I used to cycle thru the farm areas of Seletar (and I tot lots of illegal stuff happened there too!). So there we were cycling thru these rustic areas, and someone mentions swimming in a quarry... the old abandoned kind which just becomes really deep man-made lakes! I've never been swimming in a quarry, so when Chris mentioned it, I just HAD to...
at first I din think much of it, it wasn't even cool (cos it was soo hot tht day)! but when I did my usual play of seeing how far I can sink while holding my breath, I looked up and saw tht I had sank much lower than usual.. I was shocked at how deep I had gone. with a kick, I realised tht it WASN'T gonna be easy getting back to the surface too! That was the stuff of nitemares! seeing the surface just there, but struggling so hard just to get to sweet sweet air... I wasn't going to do THAT again.. I realised rite after tht tht there was a lack of salt... thus the reduced buoyancy.. scary. all those ppl who died swimming in quarries.. tht really got to me.. I wanted to live.
But Ubin is a good cheap fun getaway! $2 boart-ride frm Changi Jetty (one-way every 12 ppl), $5 bike rental for whole day, and usual rates for zi cha kinda food. Bring Mosquito repellant and sunblock. May require some experience in cycling (definitely not for beginners). Have a ball!

Matrix Reloaded: This is a fantastic flick! More philosophy than u have time to think abt, and so much action, it mite actually get boring! but I tot it was fab.. my favourite scene: from the moment the trailer with Ducati's entire gallery of beautiful bikes cruised by till the point Trinity did her super-sharp U-turn off the freeway.. beaut! I have never tried riding AGAINST traffic before... tempting really..
So is there no escape from the Matrix then? if everything has already been accounted for and the supposed freedom fighters have all been expected and planned for? we come back again to talk of destiny.. can we escape it? can we shape our future at all, or has it already been pre-determined? We have choice, but these are choices tht are offered to us by ppl who have the power to control it. In the end, both ways still benefit them, and we are cheated.

Enter Drinking Parties: In a sober-world, every attempt I make is a futile gesture, unreciprocated, meaningless. but add a dash of the good stuff, and doors begin to open... its only in this alcohol-tinged world tht I'm able to see my future taking place. many wonderful possibilities unfold before me, and I now have the ability to make choices, and control my destiny. I treasure these few short hours till sobriety (stay away).
I peer into my alternate-world, and I realise tht I'm not even the one making the moves, I'm just enjoying its benefits- lucky guy. but to every heaven there's a hell, and reality hits after a few hours, and I see tht in the end, the choices I thought I had really weren't choices at all; they're still taken away frm me. and so I look fwd to my next trip. like an addict.

Dream a little dream... I've been dreaming waaay too much. used to be a time where I could safely say (and worry) tht I didn't dream anymore. these days, I have dreams tht last an eternity, and ACTUALLY have a conclusion. or I have 2 or more dreams in a row tht I can recall upon waking. What I need now is a dream-interpreter. if these dreams foretell the future, as some ppl claim, then I'd really like to noe wat's in store for me.
I had one really annoying dream abt ticks crawling down my legs last nite!

its not you, its not tht I can't get over you.
its not tht you're the most wonderful thing to happen to me -
tht I'm happiest when I'm with you, and I can't bear to leave.
its not tht I want to do anything to make you happy.
its none of these things.
I just like the way you touch me;
the way your fingers linger on me when you brush by,
the way you press yourself against me.
I like it when i look at you and find u looking at me,
and how you talk to me as tho' we're alone even when we're not.
I like tht u treat me differently. cos I feel special.
and when I replace these, I will easily be over you.
cos its not you.

Short Cheap Trips
Hey... list of short cheap trips I'm considering and would like company for:
1) there's this cool trip organised by ODAC (NUS) to Berkelah Falls, only $70, 19th-21st May.
2) stargazing at mersing. 25th-27th May, abt $70 too.
3) PADIbuddy's new dive option next week!!! woooo!
Interested parties, get back to me SOONEST!

PADIbuddy informed me today tht an SQ flight to the Maldives costs but $400. We go there for diving and sight-seeing of course! sounds good I must say. foreign land, foreign ppl, foreign exploration - just what the doctor prescribed! Only thing is, I'm committed to bloody World Kendo Championships till July 14th. Meanwhile, I can hardly leave the country without feeling some guilt for missing training. seriously! Since we now train about 4 times a week, I dun DARE to go on too long a holiday. but at such a steal?? *sigh* why am I alwiz so burdened in the hols? it used to be canoeing training, now its kendo training... next, I'll be burdened by working life. dammit.
Then there's cousin Mel's Bangkok trip in June, which I really wanted to go for. But their main motivation (shopping), isn't exactly what I would put aside $500 for... but I still would LOVE to go. Again, I've to consider the time, and guess wat? nada...
Well, there's alwiz Scotland - of which I extended it thinking I could spend more time in Edinburgh, but no... the gals want to go to LONDON. geez. how fun is tht? it's expensive AND another freaking city! Do they have castles in london? do they have rolling hills and land as far as the eye can see? they only have wet concrete jungles like in SG, only, its filled with foreign ppl.
What a great holiday I am going to have - doing what OTHER ppl want.

"We live in a world of endless possibilities held together by fate"
Would things be any different had I met you earlier? before the weight of the world got to you? I would still be the same ole me, but would we have been any different? Under different circumstances, destiny may still have drawn a path similar to the one we walk on rite now.
I didn't use to believe in fate, but I guess there's a master plan somewhere where we're allowed choices, but these choices are but pebbles in the face of a raging river that is life.

I'm a freaking bum! I'm enjoying life rite now... but I'm beginning to feel guilty! geez... when the exams have passed, and when all you have to do is wait around for the results, parents are not bugging u for ANYTHING, and all you've got is time and friends all arnd... wat to do but WASTE IT ALL AWAY!!! yea... the life. but I need more money so I can spend money. ppl with lobang - willing to offer me one? a bum with too many sporting and managerial activities on his resume (when he finally gets to writing it), and not much up there. Rite here *draws a bullseye on forehead*!
Man.. still would like to noe the secret of previous post tho', a different kind of fun.. =)

The whole pick-up thing
So I was out walking arnd town with Pegs today, and we're talking and all tht, and we got to a topic which has alwiz made me wonder.. U noe how it is when guys are whispering to girls abt some pte stuff, and it looks so damn sleazy, but the gals are giggling and slapping his arm and all. I just wanna noe - wat do they whisper abt huh?
Next, so u meet a girl u mite wanna ask out, u smile, u say hi, then wat happens next? "u look familiar.. do i noe u frm somewhere?" lame ass line I noe, but tht's probably the closest to the truth for me, cos I prolly seen this person, or got intro'd to the person but just can't remember, blame my lame-assed memory for tht. You really do need a thick skin for tht dun u? to pull a line on someone? yea.. and then there's the whole "line" thing.. issit morally correct? haha
I sure could use with some input on this. I think my youth has been spent being too good, tht I can't overcome tht now. I regret not being worse then. it mite be too late to start now.

hey man *schmack*
Life Goes On!
yea baby..

There're so many things I'm feeling, I just can't find the words to express them now. I tried, but it all came out like too much bullshit. after it settles, then life will get back to normal again, till the next meeting. How long before this turmoil stops recurring? I hate it so much.

Post-Sentosa Thoughts
I'm just so shacked now, I can hardly decipher what to type about. I really had a great time with some frens last 2 days, the disorganised chalet worked pretty alright, except for the 2nd day where I decided not to stay the nite, which may have felt odd for those who came on the 2nd day.
Anyways, I had a great talk with Fendi abt the state of my affairs, which in the end came out pretty much what I decided some time back. still hurts so much tho'. he says it'll only get better when a substitute comes along (similar to what I feel too!).
Ever been in tht situation where u just dunno what to do? I think I noe what to do now. I'm proud of myself in some ways. Surprisingly, I DO have backbone.

I'm on a holiday! a three day reprieve! away frm the fair isle of singapore! across the sea... to sunny sentosa! come come! I'll be there till wednesday. come at nite if u can. the more the merrier. Siloso beach or NTUC Chalet. That's where I be at! ; )

I got hit on the head by the sadistic national team coach today, Takeuchi sensei. the back of my head. man, I got so pissed I whipped arnd to face him and very nearly hit him back... I hate being hit for no reason... esp on my head (God noes why I joined kendo).. it was a rare moment where I really tot I was gonna lose it. can hardly recall a moment when I HAVE lost control like tht before. anyway, there was a reason for tht hit. and I hope I learnt tht lesson well. I later walked into his shinai twice, and am left with a nasty bruise. was just coughing and boy did it HURT! Take a look at the damage! but it'll go away. It'll look like I got a hickie tho when I'm shirtless in Sentosa on Monday.. frm a really wild woman.

Good news folks! the interested buyer of Il Piccolo Mostro could not get his loan request approved!!!!! So I've reconfirmed with the mother, and YES - I DO GET TO KEEP MY BABY!!!!!!!!! *uh-huh uh-huh*
Only thing I'm hating abt the whole deal is tht I DUN get to get the $4k... and tht means, if I do eventually sell it, it'll be worth much less, or it'll depreciate into nothing. *sigh* as they say, "a fool and his money are easily parted". but this aside... let's no longer mourn but REJOICE!!

ohyea, X2 din cut it for me... we'll discuss more in person if we get a chance. dun even feel like writing abt it..

Bohemian Beach Blithering

You who are free and in Singapore: come down to Sentosa Siloso Beach for some R & R! I'll be there on Monday and Tues (5th-6th May) and leaving on Wednesday. So you who read this blog, get your free invite by saying this password - "salacioussilososolitude" or "delightfullydementeddude" (for those of you who dun wanna spray me with saliva) or even the title of this post itself! - and get a free surprise! (Suee gets to say "Sueethegreatone") and the rest of you if you really can't get it - "jumpingjellybabies"!

Monday - mostly gonna be kendo ppl and mebbe some church ppl
Tuesday - mostly CSS and other NUS ppl
Wednesday - booking out of NTUC Chalet (will be too stoned to do anything else)

So come on down ya. its an open-house!

Dude for Fun Fund
I AM BROKE! all that planning for the hols and all, and I forget abt the most impt aspect... $$ moolah.. *sigh*
I'm starting a fund. All those of you who want to donate to the "Dude for Fun Fund", pls give me $5 each time u see me, it can be a one time payment, or instalment plan. (This scheme based on this woman I heard who got money via a website so she could get breasts enlargements! Ppl paid and she got her targeted amount!)
Alwiz worth a try I say...