12 Japanese students. 5 japanese senseis. 1 dojo. All mayhem.
Having missed half of the last kendo seminar that Kawai sensei conducted, I made sure that this time round, I would be there. And I did. My only regret being that I was unable to have shiai with them (due to injuries sustained, which I shall explain later on). however, the lessons taught were good, and the fights were pretty ok, but the kakari keiko.. I love it!
I've alwiz been a big fan of kakari keiko, a form of practice where a person goes for every conceivable opening offered, or not, by a motodachi in quick successive cuts. In my opinion, it is THE highest intensity practice one can ever have in the shortest amount of time. It was introduced to my batch by Chan sensei when I was still quite young in kendo. And of his sessions, this was one that I excelled at, and I love it even until now.
As I watched the Japanese students give perfect examples of how a proper kakari keiko is done, my smile just got wider and wider with every precise cut dished out. I so want to do kakari keiko like that (of course when my turn came, it din look like that at all, more sloppy, not as precise, and prolly at least half the speed). Constant reminders to steer my path and where I wanna be.
I'm glad the juniors came to take part in this; it is such a good experience, and rare that so many fresh-out-of-Japan kendokas are so available for good keiko.

Baby got bad. I did wat I din think I would ever do. I was even proud of myself, for avoiding trouble the last 3 years. not even a hint of damage. but at lunch yesterday, a certain merc and my baby met. And there was blinding heaven for a sec, and then a world of confusion and pain. And I am left with a limp and a shoulder blade that won't quit hurting. and my baby? scarred for life. shite man. I hate obsessions. They're the ones tht'll hurt the most.

And then, there was none.
All my resistance, all my conscious decisions, all my looking arnd - went down like the fabled walls of Jericho last nite. she came into my arms, i held her, and the cabbie tot that I was gonna marry her. damn. I was just trying to ignore him, but he went on and on abt her qualities, all of which I already noe of (but he was only talking abt wat he saw la, bloody pig). bloody cabbies. they should just mind their own businesses! dun go arnd planting strange ideas into ppl's heads (not that I am thinking abt it!). REALLY! I SWEAR!
Anyway, that aside, I am indeed still digging. and I'm trying to arrange smtg now that I noe I'll surely enjoy and then come out filled with regret. and an even deeper and darker yawning chasm of hurt to climb out of. but hell man.. *clink*
*update* but it seems as tho it won't be happening now. price concerns are too major. =/

An unassuming virus. I'm just tired. Physically and mentally. Twice so far I've fallen asleep in front of my desktop at home, awakened only by my own snoring from resting my chin on my chest. The stress from work in the day doesn't help it of course. All this cos of a certain virus that is propagating itself thru ICQ.
In the last 3 days, I've gotten to know this virus quite intimately, learning abt how it operates, from research on the Net and from seeing it work on my poor desktop. The most annoying thing is how it went straight in and has taken such a strangle-hold over my comp unlike any other I've encountered previously. I look around and I see how other ppl have easily overthrown the virus without so much as a bead of exasperation, but for me, I've been wanting to bash my forehead into the keyboards no less than thrice so far!
Even now as I sit here in the office, the bleeding virus may still be lurking among the thousands of files sitting dormantly at home, having already corrupted my system seemingly beyond repair.
Alas, the malice within our society is such. In our grief and agony, we turn to annoy the other person. And with the aid of the Internet, the other person could be a thousand other netizens in the next country.
=(
Or: Our lives depend on a computer to such an extent that even when it is "sick", our emotional psyche can get so affected by it that we lose sleep over it. hmm..
P.S. I hope none of you were affected by the link that my ICQ was sending out quite repeatedly (sorry Chris!), it really wasn't me. I was sitting and staring impotently at a frozen screen while that was going on..

Oh well.. NUS Choir performance tmr nite. I missed last year's one, which was supposed to be brilliant. This being Jo's swansong, I really hope it'll be one worth her efforts invested in and accomplishments achieved from her 4 years in said choir. We'll be there watching you! yes.. YOU.. and making funny faces. heh..

*update*: Virus has been cleared!

How well do we noe ourselves?

Therein every waking moment, lies an opportunity.
If we could remove the fear of failing and seize the day..
if we could noe how to react, or wat to say in any given situation..
if we had accurate predictive ability to know the path to take..
if we could only realise how insignificant our actions may be..
if we could only understand the whys and wherefores better..

strange behaviour. geez... its 6am, and I'm awake. just a couple of hours earlier, I was sleeping outside of the house, in the lawn, in the lawn chair - cos I din bring the key, the sis was out, and I din wanna wake the parents (of course). so there I was, at abt 1.45am, abt to doze off in the garden, when I heard the all too familiar buzz of.. the mosquito... shite, if I stay out here, I'm gonna be a puffed-up swollen buffoon by the morning! so I turned up my collar, put on a pair of random socks I found in the corner, and unrolled my sleeves. tadah! so I'll just be a puffed-up swollen head, wat else is new? haha

Last great beer guzzling session with Imamura sensei at Paulaner's. We got to the beerhouse just before the 1-for-1 ended, and all of us ordered at least a half litre (i shared 6L with Effendy!), even Wenz & Teefarnee got into the act, as well as the previously exclusive gin tonic-drinker pre-birthday Sherm too! So it was just a great nite, Wong was there too (last time I went out with him was in Scotland!!), Jaime (who ordered 4L for herself, but I think we mite've shared 1 of it?!), and dear Ahruhvin-san & Mike who came down just to see us get hammered.

So I mentioned that I'll never go to Paulaner's when I'm more sober ever again cos my god.. we were so god-awful NOISY! I'm SO glad the cute waitress decided to join the 2 tables at the furthest corner by the road! I'll bet the crowd left mostly cos of the excessive toasting to the various houses in Hogwarts, the loud foul-sounding japanese swear words being thrown arnd, and the oft-heard mug-crashing (+ the breaking glass by dear ole Wenz)! I swear, it was the BEST!
We parted with 2 gifts from Paulaner's- thanks to Mike. and of all the gifts ever given to a Japanese sensei, I'll bet no one ever gave a pilfered object b4..

It was a great close to a day of work. yes.. I worked on Sunday. and it was official. it ruined some of my plans, but I'm so glad Wenz & Wong helped pull this thing together last minute.. cos it was just smashing (in more ways than one)!
gonna catch 1 more hour of Zzs before tomorrow comes along now.

I'm gonna miss that crazy jap.

Just a thought: you know how guailohs/ angmors/ foreign white men alwiz seem to have this Asian fetish? That is.. they come from a foreign land and they've never had a taste of yellow chingky p*ssy, and so any exotic Indian or Chinese girl who may roughly fit into the Lucy Liu stereotype of long black-haired, slant-eyed, willowy, is a thing to be desired, and lusted after (ref: the mermaid in Peter Pan! Ug-lee - but I bet they couldn't tell the diff).
Here's the thought: Does the Asian fetish apply to gay white men too? Just wondering, cos yesterday & today, a bigwig from NY came down for a meeting with the travel and A&H regional guys. I found out that he's a fag who speaks funny, and despite being gay, is yawningly BORING. Anyways, I am the youngest chinese guy in the office, and when I walked by to get water, he was looking at me funny.. What's it like to be toyboy to a rich gay man? haha

I figure most ppl to be passionate abt something. What are you passionate abt? To have something they crave, that they want so badly. Some ppl just need a little nudging and they're off and rattling on and on abt their passion, or showing off something they love so much. Some ppl love something so much that they will do it until they're comparative experts in it. Even if they dun have the means to do/have it, they will find the way, no matter wat, come hail or high water. THAT is passion!
And to spend your life involved in that passion somehow, be it work, or as a lifestyle, would be what we all wanna do. Ok, I have dreams too, there are things I wish I could do, or I wanna do before I reach 30. Is that a passion? Or are they goals?
I have transitory passion. I may feel that burning desire in the beginning, but over time, this passion never fails to peter out or fizzle into nothing. Maybe they change or become more focused. I never have that drive to sacrifice something for my passion. Am I passionless? Or just adaptive?
Could be I just noe how not to expect stuff. Dun dream abt something till it becomes remotely possible, or you're just deceiving yourself and prolonging your pain! Focus on the here and now, so what if your passion changes every so often? I believe I have passion for a lot more things that way, even if they are only transitory.
Well, with regards to the previous post, I think my passion here has expired already. Time to move on to new things.. like making money grow!

Off topic: I took a bus yesterday (everytime I take the public transport is a rare occurrence rivaled only by an eclipse of the sun).

I hate work now. I hate the work I do. I am disillusioned yet again. No, I am not regretting quitting the hons. proggy, no regrets abt tht at all. I was led into believing something, but its been some months, and it has begun to dawn on me what I really am here for. My scope has changed, and my work ethics do not agree with some aspects of what I do here at Kazworks!.
In the last 2 months, I have come to work simply as an automaton. A robot. I do what I'm given, I dun think. I can't think anyways, for some reason. I'm unused to the amount of work I find myself inundated in? Lack of sleep (which is totally self inflicted of course)? Am I just slow? Since I can't think, I'm useless in an industry tht thrives on thought rite? So I've become a robotic admin assistant. Typing, vetting, editing, changing, sending, filing..
How can one work with ZERO motivation? it is possible. Look at me. day to day, unable to leave cos of a signed contract. I could probably argue my way out of it. But I would feel bad somehow too. wtf la.
I believe in suffering for the greater good. But what IS the greater good here? work experience? improving my resume? insight into the industry? Even now, I'm losing sight of it. In a sense, I am eagerly anticipating my op so I can finally leave. Double happiness.

The Operation

Was reading up about my upcoming operation, I'm still not too sure what Dr Foo calls it officially, but here're some rather accurate articles of what to expect:

1. Orthognathic Surgery
- check out the pic! I'll be doing both upper and lower mandibles.. so I really dunno what to expect!

2. This is a great site! All the technology involved, great pics, and bone-cutting procedures tht will make u cringe and hold your own jaw!
- "Almost all patients agree that they are happy with the results and would go through the surgery again, without hesitation". Ask me this AFTER. rite now- I'm really scared!

3. More interesting pics!

4. Maxillary Osteotomy
- ".. in all you should expect to feel miserable and sorry for yourself for the first few days." haha.. I expected this already. Good thing I'll be doped up with Morphine during this time!! Great stuff!
- "the metal (plate) that is used is titanium which does not set off metal detectors in airports etc" yes, metal plates will be holding my jaws to themselves! heh.. metal detectors WERE a concern of mine at one point in time.. New concern is the possibility of infection!

5. An incidence of a failed LeFort Op! The LeFort I brings the lower midface forward, from the level of the upper teeth, to just above the nostrils. I can only cross my fingers? and get ready to sue! haha

Since we're on the topic - for ppl who have been wondering - What is a cleft lip/ palate?

"As far as I can tell, nobody likes what they're doing enough to keep them from wishing they were doing something else, and they all look at the path down which they are headed with the dread of somebody being led off to a prison cell."
~Alexandra Kleeman, a blogger I enjoy reading.

I say:- nobody likes what they're doing enough to keep them from wishing they were doing something else, and they all look at the path down which they are headed, distract themselves with things they claim to love, then suck it in and smile vacantly.. I applaud the human race.

Quote of the day:
"I encourage people to be nice to their pets. They've seen you naked and not laughed. Okay, maybe they DO laugh, but they have the decency to wait until you leave the room."
~Oliver Christianson

Prit gave me the quote, I laughed cos its true. I went to find out more abt this guy, and realised his humour's kinda like Gary Larson's the Far Side (which I never ever laugh at.. for some reason). Anyways, some of you out there may like this kinda stuff.. go enjoy! =)

TV recommendation of the day:
Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

damn bitchy show.. with great tips for the metrosexual wannabe. great for guys, gals, and guys & gals!
Chris, Jo, Shu - let's have a Queer-Eye nite with the martinis soon ya? We'll makeover Loretta just the way you want her.. heh..

Hush! Dogma makes sense with a little bit of "token" sense..

All about Loki

Alright -you want the whole secret origin? Here goes:

Back in the old days, God was vengeful and hot-tempered, and his wrath was bore by the Angel of Death - name of Loki.
When Sodom and Gommorah were destroyed? That was Loki.
When the waters wiped out everything with the exception of Noah and his menagerie? That was Loki.
And he was good at what he did..

~Metatron, Dogma

and to answer the question in your head rite now:
All about the Metatron

Who/What is the Metatron?
You people. If there isn't a movie about it, it's not worth knowing, right?

Metatron acts as the voice of God. Any documented occasion when some yahoo claims to have spoken with God, they're speaking to me. Or they're speaking to themselves.
...human-beings have neither the aural nor the psychological capacity to withstand the awesome power of God's true voice. Were you to hear it, you're mind would cave in and your heart would explode within your chest. We went through five Adam's before we figured that out.


The entire transcript for Dogma, a Kevin Smith movie which I thoroughly enjoy and rewatched bits of today.

"No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater.. than central air."
~Azrael, Dogma

Refer to Post on 28th Jan 04 - The chick in pink halter.

I was invited by Mike to attend the MTV Music Awards 2004 - Private Party at Zouk tonite. It was pretty cool. The stage was garishly bright, with cupids and pink hearts and lots of type floating around. It was further decorated by VJs Utt & Denise (is she HOT!) who were just regular jokers. Then came the "fashion show" - for me, its alwiz abt checking out the models. In this instance, even more so - what fashion la. Looks like regular stuff that I can find from the shopping in SG.. Anyways, the models walk in, strut their stuff and move to the back.. the 3rd set of models come out and it dawns on me that I find one of the girls surprisingly familiar.. it hit me 2 seconds later - its HER AGAIN! tht chick in pink in the elevator.
So she's a model. *shrugs*
sleep now. nite o frens!

This Dude will be warded on the 29th of March 2004. The long-awaited D-Day operation will be performed on the 30th, day before his mommy's birthday (thereby ruining it for her). He will be in SGH for 1 week, then resting at home. All well wishers are welcome. But be forewarned that he will be unable to speak. And try to avoid mealtimes, as it would prolly get rather messy.

I've waited quite a few years for this. I put it off some years back, but decided to do it again last year.. groundwork was laid, and now I'm ready. Finally got the date today, and further briefing from Dr Foo CL. "Blood transfusion may be necessary..", "..we used to put ppl in ICU for the 1st day..", "..relapse may be possible..", "..we mite have to do a further op..", "..need to make the incisions in order to allow us to screw (demonstrates screwing with screw driver) it in..", "bone marrow will be taken out.."..
I got the jitters.. scared. I noe its gonna be a helluva lotta pain. but have u guys watched Extreme Makeover? The patient comes out bruised, bandaged, and seemingly tortured but they say "I feel GREAT!" I dun laugh. I think I'll feel that way too. You dun realise how badly they want it. How long they have to wait.
For all tht, the wait would prolly have hurt more than the op itself. I'm just so full of empathy tonite! overflowing with it.
2 more months.. come on baby light my fire.

i should stop playing drinking games. some of these whacko games bring back memories I'm trying hard to distance myself from. Anyway, a note to anyone who loves Bodyshots as much as I do. Never do a shot with something u can't just swallow in one gulp. Chase with Mamee? a definite nono.. the Tequila will hang arnd in your mouth far longer than you can tahan. urgh..
=/

I love Erdinger Dark.. a malty wheatbeer.. this is the weissbier that got me started appreciating beers in general. I noe before this I never liked it at all! and tht was just abt 2nd year of NUS.. mebbe 3rd. believe it or not. But the moment I tried it.. "its so creamy! like ice cream!".. haha
but I hate the headache I get at the next morning! well.. this morning it wasn't so bad.. I woke in a slight haze, a slight feeling of having my head being very heavy.. hmm.. but I lay in bed and smiled. the feeling was nice once i realised it wasn't a hangover.
Was running arnd abit last nite - from dinner at Plaza SG to Wala's with Jute, Mike, Jaime, Shermie and JY. 3 pints of weissbier ain't ever enuff! got pissed at some asshole who was just bullying with his size (really wonder wat I woulda done if his fren was just as assholic), and left.. to Union and then to the movie..
..and the movie SUX bigtime!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I do not recommend Torque for any of you out there with any sensibilities watsoever.. I hate to say that ALCY is rite, but its true - American-made bike movies = bad-assed attitude and how fast u can go on a straight road. add in chicks on motorbikes doing kungfu sans the mud, computer-game quality graphics and voila - you've got a bad movie that is this waste of $4! (yes, we paid $4 and I was still UNSATISFIED!) This time, even making noise during the movie couldn't uplift it.. bad. bad. bad.

Anyway, to Mike - I noe I can count on you in a fight if I ever get into one, but u should noe me la - I'm a peace-loving dude. streetfighting's not my forte, first rule of a smart fighter - RUN. I never ever got into a fight before, never broken a single bone. but I'm still wondering wat it would take to make me cross tht line, even if the guy were bigger than me. Thanks to Takeuchi? haha "Confidence!" - what the senseis normally say to encourage me. heh.. wat do the rules of Budo say to this?

from my posts and recent activities, i sound like I'm becoming some confused whacked-up, psycho brain-disordered, possibly closet gay, mebbe openly trannie-like person..
well.. I'm not. (how convincing)

I adore females far too much! 'nuff said.

Shopping is CATHARTHIC!
I was out with Ren tonite, after a bloody stressed-out day at work. We went to blow my money on clothes.. and I also managed to pick up a new version of a jacket from Springfield that I fell in love with and tot went out of season already! Ren is a bloody good efficient shopper! I was watching him GO man.. He dived rite into it and didn't stop till we hit the Addidas shop at Paragon which was waaay above MY budget.. Damn sweet of the guy.
I feel better just because of that! mebbe the pain of blowing $370 in one nite made everything feel better? juxtapose it with the rush u get from pampering yourself..
Almost went to watch Peter Pan by myself tho.. weird. I just want it to make me feel better.

A rightly pilfered post from MaNgO's blog:

Sunday, February 01, 2004

Password: F*** the chocolate pencil

I'm at Dude's house preparing for his party: Gender Bender/Every Man's Fantasy. Jean and I are gonna transform him into Britney Spears!
Watch this space for the pix!

Profiles:

The Teacher: Jean (left). Fair alabaster skin, a mane of thick red hair, luscious red lips, stern black skirt, tight blouse, complete wif serious specs and a ruler, which is replaced by a more intimidating cane. Put the shivers in every guy, esp when she whacks that cane across his posterior. Only answers to "Ma'am". Is protective of her young Jap sch gal ward.

The Hot Mama: Michael (right). So voluptuous, the dress has to be split to accommodate her frame. Flab pressed against every bit of the dress, the Hot Mama is oblivious and walks carefully to avoid spilling out of it. Very hip wif a shock of blond fringe, this Mama is also a bartender wif a generous hand at the vodka. Very generous.


The Sweet Chick: Gordon (left), or watever his real name is. The Da Jie of the NUS Kendo team transforms v reluctantly (kicking and screaming in fact) into a shy, demure lass in a summer dress and a hair clip. After putting on make up, she gets the hoots from the rest of the team. She is seen to be sitting elegantly on a chair wif legs crossed and hands together. Portrait of a lady.

The Beach Babe: Weili (right), the birthday boy. Jean's beach sarong is maneuvred into a hot halter-necked top and a pair of water boobs are added to complete the look of babelicious-in-blue beach babe. Even has matching blue eye shadow to go along. Looks more and more like Wilma Flintstone as the nite progresses. Betta be careful abt tt slit in the middle, esp when being dipped by Britney during Salsa.

Britney Spears: Dax (left). Legs so long and thin, the real gals get jealous! Must be reminded to keep legs closed. The flat tum is set off by a midriff white shirt and a black bra underneath which holds water boobs which are squeezed by everyone else she meets. Hmm.. Sounds like the real McCoy doesn't it? Wif a brown ponytail and a peek of the black boxers at the waistline of the skirt, this hostess is hot hot hot!

The Jap Schoolgirl: Adelynn (right). This transformation is fast. The white pristine shirt, black vest, short skirt and knee-high floppy socks create a look that is well-received. A hint of girly blush, 2 ponytails and a wide grin, the gal dances the nite away wif her, erm, high-sch bf. Or perhaps a Jap businessman? It doesn't really matter as long as the gifts keep coming in.

The Goth: Elf (left). This guy is seriously eerie. Black all over, even on the makeup. Likes to drift in and out of backgrounds when pictures are being taken. Glares at lesser beings thru his silky fringe, out of one black-rimmed eye. Terrifies the Jap sch gal but doesn't intimidate the Teacher and her cane.

The Bapok: Ansley (right). Could be Kumar on his day-off. And wif a amateur makeup artist. Pucker up Dah-ling!

posted by |MaNgO| 19:01

• • • • •

All's been good for a while. the rain seems to have backed off a bit so that the sun can shine thru in all its glory. But the dark edge of a raincloud still haunts the picture, giving the sky an almost gloomy look.
I made a mistake of trying to get into ppl's hearts. I should have realised that if I'm to be in their hearts, I'm already there, I needn't have to go and be something else, or do something so awkwardly special. I should be treasured for what I am. If ppl are unable to embrace the kind of person that I am, then I shouldn't impose my thoughts on them. All I needed to do was value myself a little bit more, and I woulda been able to see this for myself a lot earlier.
If I get a call tonite, I shall be filled with ecstacy, and yet I will worry inwardly as to whether I can come at all close to letting go. but if I do not get that call, then I shall be immensely sad, yet I will be cheered that I noe I can consciously say NO. nadah. nein.
But rite now, its affecting me quite a bit as usual. shites.

The closer I get to the end of the work day, the more I hunger to make it happen again.. its making my tummy churn.


"I want always to be a boy, and have fun." said the boy who never grows old. It had a really sad end..