rain's the way god cleanses a world stained red

Thousands have died. There's so much I wish I could do. In all that I have, and have been buying, there are so many ppl out there who no longer have anything. The waves have washed away everything cos they dun believe in banks, or insurance, or investments. Having little in terms of intangible savings, and investing only in physical goods, nothing remains now for them. Not even family. On Monday, I even thought of taking a flight over to Sri Lanka to offer assistance. Then I realised I have nothing to offer. I'd prolly only contribute to spreading watever disease may be pervasive there now.

The media screams out the growing number of dead. But what about the many who still live and no longer have anything? And the sick truth of it all, when the markets closed on Monday, many exchanges were making new highs. The quake was strong enuff to disrupt the rotation of the earth, yet the death and destruction did not even make a dent to the economy of the world. It seemed to me as tho no one cared about them.

Then came the news of more terrorist activities in Iraq, Saudi Arabia, revellers in Argentina.. more bad news. None of this affects them. Asia is too far away, the poor are underserving of our attention cos we're not directly affected in any way. Its the same here in Singapore. We're entrenched in our good fortune, we dun see beyond our noses. Do we realise how close we were to sharing their fate? I suppose it can't be helped, most of us prolly dunno wat to do, like me. We contribute any way we can, with cash, clothes, pills. We help with whatever we can. There are human lives at play here.

The good thing abt this whole event is to see how fast the world rallies behind the disaster and quickly acts to contribute to alleviating in whichever way we can. I dun care who feels who has not contributed enuff. World politics and saving faces. The impt thing is that aid gets distributed properly and to the most needy. Hopefully hoarding n preferential distribution is no longer an issue, and the aid gets to the ones who need it.

I've done my part, but I feel more can be done. What can one insignificant bugger do to change anything? In respect for the dead and the ppl who suffer, I'll light a candle for them this New Year. It's the least I can do.

On another note, we alwiz ask, where is god in such situations. Ppl say he works in mysterious ways. Sometimes he does things for an unknown reason that may or may not be revealed to us. During the East Timor debacle some years ago, I actually tot - why doesn't god smite them and kill off those barbarians once and for all. In retrospect, I think those were rather immature thoughts. And somehow, I feel a tinge of regret for even thinking that, especially now when it seems as tho the hand of god has struck. If u believe in god, pls pray for the victims.

you aren't handsome and i'm not pretty, we're two average people in an average kind of love. there isn't anything about you i like especially, and i don't like everything about you, but somehow it makes you more believable, more real... and far from detracting from your attractiveness, your imperfection makes me like you so much deeper. so as two imperfect people, hopefully our relationship will let us cover the weaknesses of the other... and we can become closer to the perfect, together!
~my love

X'mas isn't X'mas..

It's that time of the year once again. Christmas time is here. As with the previous few years, Xmas is just a chore to me. Being the person who finds it hard to get pressies for others, Xmas is a time when this pressie getting culminates. In the end, I win by doing nothing. But guilt usually pushes me into breaking the inertia eventually, and the closest ppl get the brunt of my "love".

I'm not saying i unwillingly do it, I just dun have a thing for gift-buying. I'll gladly give gifts, its just the thinking of wat to get and the actual shopping that I detest.

In any case, I rem Xmas as a kid was much more of an event than now. Then it was all about me, my parents and toys. There was no need to take on responsibility or to show love to your neighbour etc. The selfish person in me manifested at Xmas then, and no one bothered of course. Now tho, its different. Xmas isn't xmas until midnite mass. haha.. and its not the mass that changes things - its the ppl, the hugging, the well-wishing, the drinking and eating.. And then the next 2 days of recovery.. haha

Xmas 2 yrs ago was a torrid affair cos I was sick frm diarrhea that reared its stools rite after supper. Xmas last yr wasn't that memorable. Wine-drinking @ leon's was it? Vincent n Duane puking in my arms. hmm.. yeap. should be.

What's to happen this year? Punting begins now!

Here's an advance Merry Christmas wishing to all my readers and friends! *xmas hug* =D

Team Canada

Team Canada

I often mentioned that I have great respect for the Canadian Kendo Team. I happened to watch both of their pre-tournament practices in Scotland, and since then, have always been slightly in awe of them. Their moustachio'd coach who instills fear from his girth and posture, Ariga for his incisive attacks, Ara and his blood-curdling kiai, Asaoka for his bulldog scariness, M.Raymond the nito-ryu player, S. Kamata for his cool calculative attacks and the rest whose names I can't recall, but their spirit I won't forget.

Afterthoughts: LKC Tournament 2004

Afterthoughts: LKC Tournament 2004

I would have liked to post a nice entry on my revelations on Kendo of late, but Blogger or my lagging computer would not let me. It erased my nice 3 paragraphs of emotion filled writing and now this is all tht's left.

I've come to realise how much Kendo has gone beyond just personal for me. From my previous revelation of how a sempai should be, I now see beyond just my own NUSKK. Singapore Kendo is made up of the little groups. And it is when these groups come together, do we see how varied our knowledge is. Being a sempai in SKC and NUSKK, and even NYP, I realise how much of what I do affects the next generation, which in turn affects Singapore Kendo as well.

There are many small things that happened today, at the Lim Kwa Chwee Memorial Tournament 2004. Many small things that contributed to me realising the part I play in this big family. All of us probably have much to share that others may or may not realise, or need reminding. I admire my senseis whom I have learnt from, and I just want to improve my own understanding and application to the level that is expected of me. Especially with the impending departure of Kato sensei and Takeuchi sensei who have been a big part of my foundation, I now see what lies ahead, and the role all of us have to play in it. Again, I'll gladly shoulder it now, and share the weight with the rest of my Kendo family.

Ganbatte!

Over the last 2 weeks, I've started trading futures for real, not on paper anymore. Let's just say the learning curve hasn't been kind on me. Mock trading is very much different from real trading, cos when there's money involved, everything changes.
But today.. today... was a good day! Hopefully this is my turning point. =)

oh, i killed a cockroach today
i watched it crawl all along the bathtub
and when I got sick of it cos i wanted to bathe,
i took out the baygon n gave it a quick spray
I watched n waited for the poison to take effect

ohyea.. before I sprayed it, i saw it cleaning its feelers slowly
almost meticulously
and i observed the way it felt its way arnd
touching pausing, quick steps and stopping again

it took a while to die
I'd stepped back after administering the poison
the roach ran at first spray.. then it came back
then scrambled to the middle of the ledge

i realised it just dropped a lump of gooey stuff
that was panic
shitting in its pants

then it got disoriented and ran thru its own shit
smearing it
it prolly din even noe
din even care
it prolly knew it was dying
his thousand relatives couldn't help him now

it ran to the head of the tub and stopped
where it dropped off a little bit more faeces
here it panicked again
and ran about in circles
and just abt flipped over

trying to drag its carapace while on its back
smearing shit again

it finally collapsed into the hole in the tub
so there it was, sitting with its belly pointing at me
I watched as it twitched its last twitch
as it finally drew its last breathe
and felt its last surface

i looked at the mess its dying left
and regretted killing it immediately

Death is a messy business

I want:

I want:

1. MacFarlane Dragon.
2. Cowboy Spawn
3. Voldo from Soul Calibur 2
4. Spawn of course. How nice, a cross in the background. Dad mite approve.
5. Shrek! These are nice too!
6. the Crow
7. Ancient Wyrm!
8. Kaneda with motorcycle from Akira!
9. Ninja from Solid Snake
10. Samurai archer
11. Lotus (repaint)
12. Nitro Riders (I nvr saw this before!!) If I were to choose one, it be this.

Oh, and this is what I remember from the first time I read Spawn. Very graphic.. "i scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.."

And of course, HR Giger inspired this. I've alwiz been a skeptical fan.

Then there's the Headless Horseman from Sleepy Hollow!

Vash the Stampede looks cool..

All the above taken from Spawn.Com.

SiMSCI shot up over 30 points today. 1/3 of that I couldn't do anything abt, but from tht point on to the top, all I did was suck thumb and watch it go up. I am the epitome of frustration today. EPITOME. or the morass of it. more ass. argh. My first 3 days of trading haven't been good. This was presented to me as prolly the best opportunity of all, and I missed it, then didn't dare to go in after that, expecting it to turn down. damn. Trend is your friend, dammit.

a question.. if everyone noes who they're going to vote already on Dec 3rd.. why's there a need for a Singapore Idols Finals show?

sleazey (and punny) titles from Mainichi Waiwai!

sleazey (and punny) titles from Mainichi Waiwai!

"Panty-headed bandit pounces in brief raid"

"Women in porn get head jobs without acting"

"Reek rises as gals stick with stinky panties"

"Top gay scene zine bottoms out in fag-end of its life"

"Females wail gaily over e-mails from scaly males"

"People's Republic gets to peek-in at Nipponese nudity"
~"When the show finally got under way, you could feel the swell of excitement from the audience."

*ROFL*

Hero Machine! nice!
Here's the female equivalent of the Human Torch! ;) guess wat her fave pasttime is?


Update: 27 Nov
courtesy of Sherm n meself.. hehe.. I created her heroine, and she did mine! obviously she has a convulated impression of me.. those eyebrows.. and tht gay look.. =P

Mild mannered, mildly-rabid student by day, but by night, wrap her magically woven blankie around her face, and watch her turn into a whirling slicing dicing flaming mist of blood! Red Branket GO GO GO!

Samurai Fiction

Samurai Fiction

A visual summary of a visually beautiful movie - Samurai Fiction, by Hiroyuki Nakano (incidentally, a graduate of Waseda uni). Despite it supposedly being a movie for the MTV generation ("Cool, funky and peaceful!"), it did evoke a sense of calm within me although i was often laughing at its humour. The actors may not have wielded their katanas convincingly, but in comparison with Kill Bill, the ineptness can be overlooked. No one can hold a candle to the late Mr Toshiro Mifune.
This movie made me realise 2 things: I want to start a personal samurai movie (chambara) collection. And I'd like to live in a farm somewhere with mountains and nature as the backdrop, with perhaps a personal dojo in the backyard.

Images taken from here. A very nice visual vignette of japanese movies can be viewed here.

Links:
- a review of SF.
- a website on chambara

Investment Biker

Investment Biker

While browsing through my office library this morning, I found a rather interesting book. Wonder why my cousin din show it to me previously. Its by investment guru Jim Rogers, the guy who appears to make market comments in a BOWTIE. The book's called "Investment Biker", and it basically chronicles his 22-month journey across the globe on a BMW motorcycle. Sounds familiar? Brings to mind Motorcycle Diaries. However, the revolutionary ideas within the book do not relate to political revolution, but more on perspectives of the world, and some investing gems perhaps.

Within the first few pages, I came across this quote which I thoroughly agree with:

"... the best way to go is by motorcycle. You see sights and smell the countryside in a way you can't from inside the box of a car. You're right out there in it, a part of it. You feel it, see it, taste it, hear it, and smell it all. It's total freedom. For most travelers, the journey is a means to an end. When you go by bike, the travel is an end in itself. You ride through places you've never been, experience it all, meet new people, have an adventure. Things don't get much better than this."

I have some motorcycle trips I intend to make in the next couple of years, more realistically, a short Chiba-Tokyo-Saitama trip, then perhaps Italia later on. But first, I need to finance it. Jim Rogers did his trip after he made his millions. I heard from CC that he did the trip a second time but this time in a 4WD Convertible, specially modified by Mercedes on his request. Big dream to live up to? Nothing's impossible..

I’m having a really bad seething see-red day. 2 reasons:

“I think your friend should give my mom a new computer”
“Are you sure the thing you installed didn’t give me a virus?”

The request was out of the question, and coming from a guy who make so much money it shames the rest of us, demanding a new PC from a mere student, I really dunno what to say.

The question was one that showed little faith in what I could do. Why would you ask me to do something if you don't trust me at all?

Sometimes, ppl really lose touch of reality and compassion when they get too caught up in other things. Yes, even religious things.

At the start of the week, there was a song in my head, for some unknown and indistinct reason. Certain lines kept repeating within the confines of my mind, and I found myself singing it out often. I have no idea why. Never was a big fan of it. The mind works in strange ways la.

Strawberry Fields Forever
~the Beatles

Let me take you down, ’cause I’m going to strawberry fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hungabout.
Strawberry fields forever.

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see.
It’s getting hard to be someone but it all works out, it doesn’t matter much to me.
Let me take you down, ’cause I’m going to strawberry fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hungabout.
Strawberry fields forever.

No one I think is in my tree, I mean it must be high or low.
That is you can’t you know tune in but it’s all right, that is I think it’s not too bad.
Let me take you down, ’cause I’m going to strawberry fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hungabout.
Strawberry fields forever.

Always, no sometimes, think it’s me, but you know I know when it’s a dream.
I think I know I mean a ’yes’ but it’s all wrong, that is I think I disagree.
Let me take you down, ’cause I’m going to strawberry fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hungabout.
Strawberry fields forever.
Strawberry fields forever.

Ultimate ganja music la.. and the video for "lucy in the sky with diamonds"! I happened to download it for a project I did on the beatles in my final year in uni. if u've never seen if before, I think it goes well with some weed. haha!

the japanese eating binge

the japanese eating binge

ooh.. been eating chocs at office to stave off my constant gnawing hunger. Milk chocs! my fave.. Which brings to mind something I wanted to relate. For the preceding weeks before I left for Japan, I've been taking a minor dietary supplement, and my mother's fat-enhancing solution of Cod Liver Oil and milk (separate!) twice a day. The point of which was to put back the weight lost from my operation and especially the dengue debacle. On weighing myself, I realised that there was no change whatsoever in my weight. Perhaps dengue still had an effect? I just couldn't seem to get back to my old weight.

So off I went to Japan. I love japanese food! And I especially adore Shermaine's cooking! it is especially appetising when it's served by her wearing tht cute red n black checked apron! =) mmm.. *tasty*

My first meal on the flight there was japanese-style beef n rice dish, oh so juicy - the prelude to good things to come. So because we stayed in Waseda, a student town, my expected allowance of ?800 a meal (frm previous experience) was way over-budgeted for! An average meal costs just over ?400 (tht's abt S$6)! And cos we had Arubin with us, we went even cheaper by buying pre-cooked dishes and rice and having that spread back in the hostel kitchenette. And oh the ice-cream! Sticky chocolate, just over ?100! and flour-covered ice-cream mochi!

ooh.. let the litany begin: salmon sashimi, teriyaki chicken, yakisoba, Tendon's tempura prawns n eggplant, miso soup, udon & ramen, bento, currei rice, succulent hotstove bbq beef, chocolate bananas, strange but damn tasty miscellaneous festival/bazaar food (from the sprawling Waseda uni Matsuri!), cheap Waseda uni canteen food (its good!), quaint coin-op eating joints tht u eat at standing up, take-away ice-cream crepes, melon buns, curry buns, cubed potatoes with mayo & misc garnishings, instant satchet mash.. mmmm

I came back to Singapore and weighed myself. Surprise surprise, I had put on 3 kgs! Oh what joy! Up till now, I'm still trying to identify where it went.. Anyway, back in SG, weighed myself again this morning, and I think I've lost 1 kg already.. sigh.. food here, especially when my maid prepares it, just can't seem to keep me heavy. Dun get me wrong, I love eating in SG too, let's just say I miss Japan? hehe..

just me and my friskypoo..

just me and my friskypoo..

This was what I blacked-out and spent my long weekend doing:
World of Warcraft (or WoW)!
Man, it was gooood.. but as all RPGs go, it's so time-consuming. Hell, if I didn't have other (better?) things to do, I'd be on it all day, but who's gonna support my lifestyle? ;)
Anyway, thanks to Prit, he got us free Open Beta trials for 2 weeks (thus the intensive 3 day session!)! Its back to work again now, but I'm kinda looking forward to the next span of a few hours uninterrupted, to jump back into a new area for me, the Darkshore region.
RPG means Role-Playing Game, and with the miracle of games going online, birthed a new form of gaming acronymed MMORPG (Massive-Multiplayer-Online-RPG). People online can basically join a server and play an online RPG, interacting not with virtual characters, but with real live people on the other side! WoW, in my opinion is something more than just run of the mill. It got me on MMORPG, something I din really wanna get involved in previously.

Well, I'm a Night Elven Hunter in this game. I've got a loyal faithful Nightsaber cat as my pet named Friskypoo. We're so together, ne'er ever part relationship types (until the next better pet comes along la, but dun tell her tht..). Exploring the town we spawned in, increasing our stats, helping other ppl with their quests, after getting help myself.

From a review of the closed beta that I read: "All in all, though, the level of complaint and general yelling is relatively quiet on the message boards. It seems like too many people are just playing and having fun to join in the rancor so common to other MMOs."

Told ya it was distinctive. Oh when can I get back to Azeroth..?


Update: 18 Nov
Damn, today's the last day of the WoW OB trial.. and I've got kendo later tonite. Sigh. I guess this is goodbye. Bye Keisho (my character - lvl 15 NE Hunter!), byeFriskypoo, bye Gummy (my second pet - a thistle bear!), bye Thousand Dreams guild, bye Darnassus/ Dolanar/ Auberdine, bye Avatre/ Gwec/ Shuruga/ Putmacha/ Novanh/ Moonbeam/ Ayana/ Aozmess.

Apparently the WoW people ended the OB period with "armageddon" - Warcraft style! Infernals came raining down, Doomguards and Fel Beasts were in every town, cutting down the innocents (from the bakers to the trainers) and any hero who felt it was their obligation to protect their town and lives, however short-lived and fleeting it may have been. It must have been so cool! Prit sent me screenshots.. There were bodies and bones strewn all over, even the NPCs were dead! Some valiant heroes were still putting up a fight, people like Prit's gnome was walking arnd like a tourist, taking screenshots and not engaging any of the armageddon-ites. Enjoying the last few minutes of the game till the OB servers shut down for good. Azeroth hath burneth down..

hehe.. obsessed!

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete

So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

Who says I dun blog anymore!?

Who says I dun blog anymore!?

Ah.. a day at work where I tot I would have all the tools in front of me to play as I would like, to configure my charts properly, experiment with them, and mebbe get in a few paper trades to test them out. Cos CC's gone on holiday, and I had tot the boss n wife were in m'sia too. How glorious!
Alas and alack.. I came in to realise our Reuters 300Xtra program was in use elsewhere, meaning the boss was looking at prices frm home. SIGH. Trading with just price action alone is something that comes from much experience. Without the charts, I feel very handicapped. How can you confidently take a position without supporting information backing u up and reassuring you that there's a higher likelihood of possible trends?
Today will thus be spent reading, reading and reading. I'm getting interested in the World of Warcraft (WOW), and I suppose this would be a good time to read on it when I get oversaturated with work stuff.

Pritpal managed to sign me up for a beta version of WOW 1 day before entries closed! Thanks again to the man, tho I doubt I'll be able to run it with my T-bird 700 @ home. Already Dota last nite was super laggy, and I just realised that I was the cause of all the loading lag when we play online!! This cos Sherm and I were on Dota while using SKYPE at the same time! How cool is that! No more hassle of typing out remarks and invasion strats when we can simply use free technology! hehe

US says NO to trimming the Bush

US says NO to trimming the Bush

I dunno much about American politics. I still can't tell the difference between Republicans and Democrats. but I just wonder whether Bush's win was an assertion that his shoot-em-up wild-west ways was the right way to go. Soon after the elections, the Fallujah assault began.. does this mean the American public had unknowingly /knowingly voted for violence? Are they responsible?

Revolution

Revolution

As like every overseas kendo trip I make, I return with a head full of ideas and improvements. This time round, I do not return with knowledge of how to improve my kendo, but how to improve kendo in Singapore.. or at least in my sphere of influence - NUS Kendo Kai.

Thinking about it this afternoon, after pondering with Alvin and Shermaine, and with regards to our discussion from what we've seen at Waseda Uni Kendo Club's training, and what we've seen in the past week, something has to be corrected in Singapore. And its no longer that we wait for someone to correct it. I realise that if change has to come about, I am probably in the better position to start the ball rolling.

Being sempai requires a lot more responsibility than I ever tot.. but I'll gladly shoulder it.

Japan: Waseda Training

Japan: Waseda Training

I had the privilege to join one of the best Kendo teams this side of Japan today. Their spirit was overwhelming, and so uplifting! Loud, combined voices of more than 40+ members shouting out the count during warm-ups, the kouhai (juniors) carrying on cheering whilst queuing for their next go at a sempai or sensei, the resounding fumikomi-ashi from players in battle.. wow.. I'll be going for one more with them in a couple of days. I wish I could bring this back with me.

At the end of training, one of the sempai I happened to be changing near turned to me and said "Otsukare-samadeshita" (which is said after training to each other and which loosely means "that was a good session"). A normal reply would be to say the same thing back to him.. I din hear it properly, but I realised what he had just said. So I instantly recalled what I was supposed to reply with (or so I tot), and told him "gochisosamadesu"... which means "thanks for the food"! heh.. Sherm was just teaching me what to say at the end of a meal the nite before la! sigh

Quote of the day:

Quote of the day:

The majority of people trade worse than a purely random trader would.

~William Eckhardt
Market Wizard

So ya, wat's been happening of late..

So ya, wat's been happening of late..

Work mostly. Work suddenly took on a different level. From casual, relaxed, no stress environment, to a strange increase in tension and expectations. This was observed soon after the dengue period. So I've had to re-organise goals, expectations of myself, time-frames and mindsets.. and I must say, things are definitely for the better, tho the level of stress has gone to my head. I am constantly having mild headaches, light-headedness and of late, feeling sleepy once again. I still am looking forward to trading, but have realised many many things, having been bitten a wee bit already. And the trading shall begin!
Today I had a call frm the marketing personnel frm SGX, apparently they din have my address?! She verbally told me that I had passed the test I took last week, which now qualifies me to be an Electronic Trader! This however does not mean that I am an expert, no.. this is just the beginning I've come to realise. Scalping shall be my bread and butter for the next few months/year, and when I finally develop my own system, try and test it, and put money behind it, and see it return as i expect it to, will I truly be able to say I'm making money. Until that day comes, I'm still running the paper-chase, just like everyone else, albeit a different chase.

Just in case you dun already noe, I'm Japan-bound from friday onwards. The return trip is in my grasp! U muz be wondering why, with typhoon tokage wreaking havoc, and typhoon ten-noc making its way there, and the recent quake, why am i still going? Some things just need no explanation. Call it desire. =) Well, Sherm n I are gonna go Dithneelen! I am finally going! Ever since I was a kid, I've so much wanted to go.. Its gonna burn a hole in my pocket, but ya, I'll be adding Studio Ghibli in as well! heh.. That's Spirited Away for you uninitiated. Plus, I'm bringing my kendo gear cos I've got an appointment with at least 3 dojos there! But you've just recovered frm dengue! u muz be asking. Well, I've been back at training too. its been 5 trainings already. after Wed n Thurs, I should at least be somewhat ready, tho not anywhere near my peak. Wish me luck tho.

Went to buy Muruku and some other spicy snack from Geylang Serai tonite and got a $30 fine for it. I'm gonna put some preserved mango together with the above in a nice paper bag and give them as gifts to the ppl i expect to meet like Sasahara sensei (I'm just getting ciggies frm duty-free for Shigeru). I thought that was pretty nice, it being Ramadan in Singapore and all, but my dear Shermaine disagreed. It seems the japanese are so superficial that the content doesn't count at all, and it's the packaging that ultimately matters. So I could simply have gone to the airport duty-free to purchase Merlion cookies and it woulda sufficed. As I said to her, I knew of this concept; I came across it in my studies.. I just never actually saw from their perspective till now. Am still kinda stunned. esp frm the fine.

Which reminds me of how I threw away S$70 last week. Literally. I stupidly parked at SGX (@ Shenton Way) for 6 hours racking up a S$19 parking fee, and then went to top-up my cashcard so I could leave, promptly forgetting the S$50 I just drew as I left.. So in the last week, I have thrown away S$100. As a result, anyone who wants to benefit frm this money-giving, just stand close behind me, stress me out, and then stress me out somemore.

See you after 7th November!

Movie: Oldboy

Movie: Oldboy

Caught Oldboy on Sat.. now THAT is a great movie.. stylish, original,
violent. strong themes of vengeance carry the entire story, to the
point where I'd say its definitely NOT for the weak of heart or
prudishly pristine.


Check out that hair! the dark eyeshadow! the facial expression! the suit! and the this-is-my-intention: -the-hammer-gets-planted- in-your-head stance! Damn cool!

As is strangely unique in Korean flicks, this disturbing movie has several comedic scenes in it as well. So those who can stomach disturbing ideas and implied movie violence, do try to catch it.

Other links:
Japanese (?!) website for the Korean Movie

20 Questions to a Better Relationship

eXpressive: 1/10
Practical: 2/10
Physical: 2/10
Giver: 0/10

You are a RSIT--Reserved Sentimental Intellectual Taker. This makes you a Archetypal Older Child.

You are a hard nut to crack. You have a wicked sense of humor. Despite your reserved nature, you are more comfortable (and successful) in the meeting and courting mode than you are in a long term relationship. You feel misunderstood, and usually you are.

When you're in a good mood, you're funny, fascinating and a sexy firecracker, but when you're in a bad mood you are moody, broody and impatient. In courtship mode, you don't have to let anyone see your moody side. If you had your way, even in a long term relationship you would have enough time apart to deal with your bad moods yourself; unfortunately, it rarely works that way.

You stifle *a lot* of anger and frustration -- from all areas of your life -- so when it comes out it comes out nasty. More than any other type, your conflicts tend to turn on one tiny thing -- the dishes, the laundry -- that's really a scapegoat for your larger dissatisfactions with your relationship. You're baffled that your partner just can't do the dishes -- your partner is baffled that it's such a big deal. The only way around it is to let the dishes go entirely and try to get at the real root of what's bothering you.

I'm making you sound like a bear, but the fact is that you're so warm and charming most of the time that it effectively offsets the times you're unhappy.

You will make a weirdly good parent.

Don't pair up with someone who'll make sexual demands of you. That's just not going to fly at all.

Of the 132183 people who have taken this quiz, 5.3 % are this type.

Interesting.. nice to noe how much of a bear I can be. fortunately I'm warm n charming most times..

NEVER underestimate the Nikkei 225. I had a bad day...

NEVER underestimate the Nikkei 225. I had a bad day...

For those of you interested in risk-free futures trading, check out Phillip Capital's Trading Challenge. The prizes are shite, but its great real-time experience, sans the initial capital and commissions. Have a go! Lose all your monopoly money!

a bad day. wanna noe when's a bad day? today's been a bad day. everything's just piling on. i think it woulda been an alrite day if I weren't highly susceptible to irritation and tiredness due to previously-mentioned dengue illness. a bad day indeed. not entirely horrendous, not the worst of days.. just a bad day.

Chikushi sensei was seen at Clementi dojo tho.. i guess talking to the senseis was prolly the highlight of the day. So many of them there today. Nice. otherwise, everything else sucked.

I feel like a monkey..

I feel like a monkey..

Ever since I had my blood tainted by the deadly dengue, I've been itching like a bitch. Every once in a while I'll have bouts of scratching tht may last several seconds (take note tht I have hardly scratched longer than 3 scratches at any one time in any area!). And embarrassingly, I've had scratching fits in front of several frens already. Scratching fits are when I indulge in scratching.. just simply scratching.. orgasmic type. Its just embarrassing la.. I wished my blood platelet count did drop to levels where they had to do a blood transfusion on me, get rid of all this dirty blood rather than let my liver do the work au natural. Well, I am thankful I'm fine now anyway, sans the itch.
Doesn't help that I'm eating bananas now either..

If you're bored, go Spank the Monkey..

Life in mono..

Life in mono..

I was confined to a room in the Communicable Disease Centre for 3 days. They were the most boring 3 days in recent times for me. The following are snapshots I took on the last day of what I remember most during my stay:

My bed


The deadyard (there's no visible entrance, its just there for ambience)


The clock


The patient


I'm very thankful for my dear Shermaine who kept me sane with her voice (dun be surprised..) from Japan. Without her, I really woulda succumbed to the insanity in my mind..

Going to Japan!
In other news, I confirmed my leave, and booked the plane tix.. I'm heading to Tokyo on the 29th October! yay! I'll be spending some days in Sherm's hall of residence, got a room there, and some days I'll be bunking together with Arubin-san in New Koyo (I hope). We'll all be going to catch the AJKF Championships on the 3rd November!!! yay!!!

Dengue Alert!

Dengue Alert!

The boss' wife was admitted on Tues cos her platelette level had dropped dangerously low. Worse - she's pregnant! I can only pray.. ya, I actually prayed. When we're desperate, we resort to strange habits.
I developed body aches on Tuesday nite, after cleverly choosing not to go out gallivanting. And by the stroke of midnite, I was feverish. Since then, I've been in and out of the AMK polyclinic, had a blood platelette count taken yesterday which proved tht I was fine still. My colleague CC had his test done at the same time which reflected the same, however, he got admitted today, cos the platelette count had dropped.. I'll get mine tested again tmr. Hopefully its nothing to worry about. This is somewhat of an epidemic for our office. Only person still fine is the Boss.. but how can he still be fine when all his minions arnd are down for the count? Brave soul.
What I hate about this is that my body's so weak, I can hardly sit up. And my head hurts like a bitch, tho the pain's dissipated somewhat now. Only the lightheadedness still remains. With 3 days of MC, you'd think that its a real holiday, but thing is, I can't even bum peacefully! I can't enjoy my games, I can't read, I can't watch TV without getting more of a headache. And my favourite ppl to chat with are all bz.. So all I do is lie arnd n sleep. argh. I hate being a sloth. I can't imagine going for training in the next few days.. and I've an appointment with Tsue sensei! sigh.. mebbe I'll sneak in, if I dun get warded tmr.

Last night, I got tricked.. =)

Last night, I got tricked.. =)

In my excitement, I was led into making a statement of sorts. It did echo my intentions, I was gonna say it sometime anyway. but I do like landmarking stuff like tht. In any case, I stand by my decision; I do not retract what I said. hee.. I just giggle like little schoolgirl in short tweed skirt and ponytails. hehe.. let's spread some joy here!

please try not to forget me

please try not to forget me

I have never had such a desperate urge to talk to someone in a very long time. There's a tightening in my chest, and shortness of breath seems to be the order of the day. When all thoughts seem to be of one thing, and nothing else seems to keep one interested, you tend to conclude that you're too far gone. I didn't dare say it at first, but when it became such that all I wanted was to make that call and hear that familiar voice on the other end saying "hi", I knew I was there. The big D.

Nonchalance can only be feigned when value is mis-assigned; when smtg is not treasured as it should be. Nonchalance becomes impossible when true value is realised or when that smtg is taken away. There's little hope for unskewed thoughts. And it becomes too late for appreciation. There's only room left for regret.

DVDs to trade?

DVDs to trade?

I just watched the animated Chronicles of Riddick: Dark Fury on dvd today (purchased frm previous KL trip) and I tot the background and setting was excellent. This is an appeal to anyone who has the following DVDs, please please please do offer on loan to ME:

1) Pitch Black
2) Chronicles of Riddick

In return, I can trade Dark Fury and EuroTrip (another great fab movie set in the various European countries - perfect for Euro-lovers and backpacker-wannabes). =)

The Yellow Monkey

The Yellow Monkey

A gal came into our lives about a year ago. She arrived at our training grounds and along with her band of merry friends, came in and changed the way we perceived friendships in Kendo. She continued to convert not just the way we interacted within the Kai, but as a big group of kendoists in Singapore. Her lovable & loud demeanour and hilarious behaviour in the midst of a group of seemingly serious people just overturned all our facades and opened new possibilities of communications. The most important thing was the way she treated everyone - with an open and sincere honesty. And with that, she endeared herself to all of us.

Dearest Shermaine, we will sorely miss your presence. I will miss you much. Have an abfab time in Japan learning and having new experiences! I'm very sure your compatriots where you are headed will feel the same way we do when it's time for you to come back home..

Standing on the verge of tht something really great

Standing on the verge of tht something really great

"i guess if things were a little different, we might have ended up together. but well, they are the way they are, with you the way you are, and i the way i am. so we're not."

These words flash thru' my mind since I first saw them. It sang of truth and it echoed my unspoken thoughts. In one of the classic curtains-were-lifted moments, the truth was unveiled to me. You would think that it would then be easy to proceed from there, but you're wrong. It was just so simple, sure, but they couldn't be more complicated at the same time. And like any weepy soap opera, we created even more complications of our own tht just made things worse.

And so, we stand on the verge of that something really great. What happens here on is as uncertain as where the wind blows. Time changes all things and no one can be sure of the future, no, not even an aspiring futures trader. If our taiwanese soap opera pans out as we mite hope, then perhaps there will be a happy ending.

The final week

The final week

Some years ago, I had a great pal whom I spent lotsa time with. And when she was leaving SG to go overseas to study, she said she'd hardly be back, due to lack of funds. I knew I was gonna go thru hell thereafter. Thus, thru some screwed up rationality, I decided to distance myself early so tht when she left, I wouldn't be hit so badly. I din even show up when she left for Aussieland.
Some years later, we talked abt the whole issue, and I really felt rather stupid. Why reduce the time spent together when you could be spending it doing things that would just make the reminiscing so much better? We both agreed it was a mistake, and some things just can't be repeated.
Another friend is leaving soon, and I've learnt my lesson. My goal is to make it such that when it's time for her to go, she won't wanna leave. Am I mean? Well, for all that she's been for me, or tried to be, I think it's time I returned the favour. We'll look back and remember what a grand time we had.

my weekend sucked. there were 2 main highlights which were expanded to 4:
1) meeting the Thailand team, who are such great people!
2) having keiko with so many international people, including a sensei who used nito-ryu
3) 3 drinking parties on farewell nite
4) spending time with the SKC ppl and friends

Actually, it was a great weekend. but the results sucked. my most crucial match sucked. all our efforts.. sigh.. its too much to explain rite now, and i doubt most ppl will understand anyway.. no excuses, thailand sent a fantastic contingent.

Some photos:

Off to KL for ASEAN Kendo Tournament!

Back on Monday. Wish me the best ya?

Rain..

Rain..

I was glad for shelter this morning, on my way to work. I watched as the rain came down onto the windscreen, I saw cars create waves tht cascaded impotently on the roadside. The cold from the air-con made me cringe a little, and then memories came flooding back in..

Its a beautiful experience, taking a walk in the rain, having it come down on your face, feeling it bounce off your skin, letting it soak through your clothes. Once you get adjusted to the cold and wet, you start to feel little rivulets run down your back, down your calves. They reflect the chill running up your spine.
Once you're soaked to the skin, it's easy to walk through puddles, and better still, jump into them. Splashing about in the rain. Back when we were young.
The best part is yet to come: when you arrive, and take off all the soaked material, and let yourself be engulfed by a warm body. The contrasting heat just soothes, allowing for easy snuggling, electric caresses on marble skin, heightened sensitivity. It's an indulgent affair, one that rivals any expensive spa treatment you may find in the papers. Absolutely climactic.

Information Overload!!

Information Overload!!

I am now receiving information on more than 3 fronts daily! I am being bombarded! I am stressed!
Previously, I've just been depending on the internet for news, and searching for specific information. Then came the shared Reuters program which displays news headlines, prices and charts in one screen. Already it was getting hard to keep track of what was going on.. today, we got the TV to work.. the moment Bloomberg came on.. I was stuck.. my body facing the PC, and extra screens, my head turned to the right (where the TV is) transfixed to the screen! ahhhhhh and it doesn't help when some of the female newsreaders/journalists look quite hot.. =)
How do those traders overseas balance 8 screens and more? All their analytics, news sources, prices, and miscellaneous screens.. yiii..

My Mundane Day

For Shuyin.

My Mundane Day

I was awoken from my precious slumber forcefully by a favour I promised to carry out. I had to drive Dad to the airport. It was 6:00am, and I'm usually not awake for at least another hour.. Surprisingly, I took 20mins to do what I usually take 1+ hour with every morning. Ended up early at the office, and since I din have the key yet, I stretched out and slept in the car till I heard the familiar put-put engine of CC's scooter.
Work was work, and lunch consisted of dabao'd Katong Laksa (which had chili in it!). Due to a miscommunication between myself and CC, we ended up eating lunch by ourselves despite heading to the same place together. I shall not elaborate other than that I STILL hate chili, but tht laksa still tastes so great..
Work was work again.. and lo n behold, it was time to meet dear ole' Joanna and Shuyin already! The slackers called my at lunchtime to chit-chat (how rare is that?), and we decided to head to Bugis for our tete-a-tete.
Surprisingly, the fare at Phin's Steakhouse was fabulous, despite its $9.90 tag (for the ladies' portions). My only complaint was that the 'beer batter' fish & chips tasted nothing like beer.. but the gals seemed to enjoy their beef. "It beats Jack's anyday," said Jo.
So then it was off for some light shopping, an opportunity for Jo to show off her antics, and allowing Shu an opportunity to comment abt Jo's animated noises, and me to concur once again tht she should do voice-overs for the Happy Tree Friends' cartoons!
The evening ended with me sending the ladies back home, and in the process, picking up some hair dye while Shu picked up a new orgasmic shampoo bottle.
And now, I end my day blogging abt my day while my hair is covered in a strange mixture that promises to turn the black into standard brown. Damn I shoulda done a lighter colour.. just realised I'm gonna fit rite in in KL, look just like a lousy chao ah beng.. from early 90s. Aiyah.. I dun really noe why I'm doing this anyway. spur of the moment thing. See how it turns out la.
So ends my day.

I had such a great time in KL over the weekend. And the one thing I missed out on doing, was taking the rides at the indoor amusement park at Berjaya Times Square - Cosmos!
Despite the cheap RM$25 entry (inclusive of ALL rides), it was pass-uppable then cos I tot that having my kendo frens go with me to together would make it all the more noisy and I'm sure that we'd all have a blast! But today, alas and alack.. there came an email from Arubin, revealing the mysterious venues for the ASEAN Kendo Tournament this coming weekend in KL.. and lo n behold.. its not actually in KL.. but in Selangor.. yes, a neighbouring state.. but it ain't gonna be the same rite? its not a simple RM$3.60 cab-ride from our lodgings to the shopping centre anymore!! SIGH..
yes, the focus was the tournament, but I was hoping to sidetrack too.. its not that I dun think the AKT is important, I just felt that spending time bonding with the kendo community in such trips will prove to be a boon as well. That we dun just fight together, we actually do other stuff together too.. and overseas too (even if its just the causeway)!
Some other time perhaps, now, we're going all-out for the AKT (blind-sided temporarily by this weekend's scouting trip)!

Three Nouns

Three Nouns

Confidence
It is possible to lose confidence. In recent weeks, I have come to realise, thru a failure to act with confidence, that I have lost smtg I used to have. Yes, there are several types of it, and in varying degrees, but I realise, where I used to do certain things with surety and without having to think it thru, I now am plagued by worries, fear and anxiety, as well as an inability to follow-thru. They say that if you think hard enuff abt smtg, it will manifest itself, perhaps I should try it. Get it back, get it back, get it back...

Disappointment
I tot I heard someone I respect greatly say smtg that made me stop and turn and think today. I had immense amounts of respect for him, and am always singing his praises, trying to see into his actions, to interpret them to see what the hidden meaning behind them was. But when he revealed this kink in his armour, I was thoroughly taken aback, to the point of stopping in mid-step, frozen in disbelief. I just hope that wat he said at that point in time was me mis-hearing it, noeing how I am half deaf most of the time.. But if I heard it right, then I dunno how I will be able to hold him in such a high regard in future anymore.

Joy
I have a new source of light in my life. I did not realise it till this evening actually. All the old joys have sort of faded to the background; they're still there, but this new one has sorta taken precedence for now. I lived for moments previously, and I lived for time spent with ppl. I lived for the exhilaration and the suspense, as well as for the entertainment, adrenaline and passion. I even lived for the sense of accomplishment. Recently, a little fish has swam into my fishbowl, invaded it, and left an indelible mark, which I fear, will be harder to wash away than dried-up bird-droppings. However, a similar noun - die - will come in soon, and like a bug-eyed goldfish, this one mite die too. I only wish there was a longer lifespan to it, or a way tht it will survive for a longer time.

you dun run to a professional and tell the professional what to do. you run to them and give them your probs, and they'll solve it for you. nabei.

"Dun forget to pluck your twangers and play with your balls!"
No matter how many times I've seen this.. its still freaking AHHHHH funny! so overt! did we ever watch this ep and sing along when we were kids?

This is such a beautiful song, its been stuck in my head for the past week. I just can't get it outta my head.. especially when riding. hmm..

The Blower's Daughter
~Damien Rice

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

The creative force behind Warcraft: Metzen

The creative force behind Warcraft: Metzen

Was just surfing when I came across a name today. 'Metzen' seemed tied to a lot of warcraft concept artwork (which inspired me a lot in sec sch). I did a little search and found a gallery of his contributions. Turns out Chris Metzen is the creative director of Blizzard Entertainment, the well-known game company that has lasted since 1994.
His artwork, from what I've seen, is mostly with pencil, black n white, lots of detail, facial expressions and action. They range from sci-fi to fantasy, a breeding ground for dark and devious deeds. It reminded me of the Lone Wolf series that I was once an avid fan and Kai Grandmaster of (play the online version of the gamebooks here). I'll not be hanging paintings in my home next time, instead shall be placed upon the walls, pencil-sketch classics like Metzen's art.


I love illustrating! Back then when it was really hip with me, we called it drawing. Just a pencil, paper (be it torn out from exercise books, on textbooks, and even table surfaces), and just draw away. Sometimes i'd idly doodle, other times I'd actually come up with characters and even scenes! Those now-defunt creative juices really flowed then. I kept 2 exercise books of an imaginary team of heroes (and 1 heroine), in which I'd add a new character every so often. If I still had those, I could actually track the phases that I went thru since I could draw till my army days. You see, my mom threw them out during the period where I moved houses a lot. Since then I've made it a point to keep my sketch books. Sadly, they've hardly been touched since NS.

there's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
there's still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
it's still a little hard to say, what's going on

stones taught me to fly
love, it taught me to lie
life, it taught me to die
so it's not hard to fall
when you float like a cannon ball

it's not hard to grow when you know that you just don't know

~ Cannonball, Damien Rice

Click for a sample.

A nite of reminiscences

A nite of reminiscences

Seeing as how its rare i watch tv, tonite was a reason to buy 4D. I actually caught some action on primetime television. For some strange reason, each actress I saw on tv reminded me of someone or other, and then I spent some minutes thereafter thinking back on certain moments with them (afterall, we live for the moments don't we? rightly, we should be able to recall them!). Each person who came to mind had a particular significance, and there was always a start but not always an end-point. As we progress thru life, we're allowed the chance to take stock of the situation, and correct the path if necessary.
So now, I've come this far, many things are still out of my hands, I realise. I can only try to manipulate the situation so much. As the hymn goes: leave it in the hands of ...?

Actually, I'm just exploding to say smtg having had too much time to take stock of current standings. There's gotta be smtg wrong when there's just so much to say but no one to say it to except to a digital receptacle.

Anyway, here's wat i want to say: Rosalind Pho is sooo cute...

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

~ Perfect, Simple Plan

the Johari's Window

the Johari's Window

I rem a lesson in HRM (Human Resource Management) where the lecturer introduced the concept of the Johari's Window - where there are 4 aspects to ourselves: 1) the side where everyone noes abt, 2) the side where only I noe n keep hidden from others, 3) the side where only others noe but I dunno, 4) the side where no one (even myself) noes.
In Kendo, and even in real life, we meet some ppl who just read others so well. They can observe your behaviour and noe things abt u immediately that u thought u've managed to hide so well.
So what I've been wondering abt lately is how ppl see me. How do ppl see me, what do they see in me, wat do they noe abt me? Yes, there's the side that I present to them, but what abt the side they see in me that I dun even realise of? What about the aspects to me that I dun even noe abt n yet they see so blatantly? And then there are the aspects that ppl say they see in me, but despite constant reinforcement, I still doubt holds true. What then? Even worse, its smtg bad and I fail to correct it!
Perhaps I'm still too concerned abt what others think. I've spouted so much about how one should be happy with what we have, and try not to hope too much. Yet its smtg I dun really live by, still letting too many other things dominate my life.
I've heard stories of kendo jigeiko where 2 ppl cross swords for the first time, and without even making a full-out attack, they noe all about the other person's character.. just by that connection they have in that short little faceoff. If it were that easy to read a person, just by a touch, or an unspoken dialogue (yes, an oxymoron!).
So what do you know abt me that even I noe not? Enlighten me pls.

Sarcasm is wasted on the oblivious

Sarcasm is wasted on the oblivious

I used to be an employer of sarcasm. I used it for much evil. My sister was the receiver of much of it in my younger days (bless her). However, there was a change, and somewhere along the line, I was 'tamed'.
It still surfaces tho, from time to time. But its taken on a new tinge. Its become so integrated into my psyche tht even when I dun mean it, ppl are unsure. I guess its got its advantages, cos sometimes ppl just dun get it.
Then there are times when I wanna convey a msg employing sarcasm, sometimes there's that sick little triumphant feeling when i 'score'. but the worst is when tht effort is wasted on the oblivious. or the good intentioned. employ niceties and gayness in its place perhaps.

Today on Singapore Idol

Today on Singapore Idol

I used to bully him in primary school.



He hasn't changed one bit.. there's still tht smidgen of facial hair on his upper lip ala LaoFuZhi. Glad to see some ppl really stay true to themselves.

Do you know what's waiting beyond that beach? Immortality! Take it! It's yours!

Do you know what's waiting beyond that beach? Immortality! Take it! It's yours!

Today, after a talk with the boss, I had many thoughts in my head during the long ride home from Clementi. I puposely chose the scenic route this nite.
I stand on the edge of my past, looking out into the future. My path diverges at this point, and either road seems just as easy to go down, with varying outcomes, of course. The choice is not mine. My part in the choice was to take the path that got me here.
Actually, while planning out my possibilities, I also managed to slot in the opportunities that I was afforded so far. And I must say I am a rather lucky guy, if you believe in luck that is. Some people never get what I was lucky enuff to have presented rite in front of me. It could be such that some ppl never bothered to grab what was rite in front of them too. And that it was not mere luck, but good timing and reactions? haha
In any case, yes, I stand on the verge of 2 entities: greatness or indebtedness. I intend that I achieve the former of course, thus the planning and scheming.. (no la, just wanted to be dramatic). Sure, it can only bring me so far, and in the end, it's the action and eventual outcome that will show where I end up.
To place your hope on an intended outcome that for the most part is not in your control.. is quite scary. We'll see how it goes. I've not thought of a backup for IF it doesn't pan out yet. Hope? haha.. tht's something I have little faith in.

Orgasmatron

Orgasmatron

OH MY GOD.......
This truly truly... is.. damn.. SHIOK!



Trust the Aussies to come up with this. We have one in the office now... wahh.........

*satisfied/ grinning-like-an-idiot look*

*Update*
So far, everyone who's stepped into the office and tried it, has admitted liking it.. until told the name of the gadget, u can almost see them blush! It has afforded my not-so-female colleagues many innuendo-shooting chances.. heh. =)

"And the greatest of these is Love"

"And the greatest of these is Love"

I was at a wedding today, and during which, I had a conversation with a married woman about Philippines, politics and philistines, got reacquainted with ppl I've not seen in a while, and watched my ex-'ideal' gal get wedded off to a nice bloke. I then went last-minute shopping for their wedding gift. It being a bulky item, I dropped it off at the wedding suite, and accidentally got to see the bride without her 'face' on. In the room were 2 other ladies who got me pondering and making comparisons with other ladies I personally noe. My ride home was thus swamped with thoughts and by the time I got home, I think I was able to actually narrow down my list of (most likely to be unfulfilled) wishes of my future other-half.. knowing me, I'll most likely forget I ever had a list anyway in the end..
i wanted to blog abt women, interior decorating, make-up and weddings today, but I didn't noe how to put the thoughts down in coherent sentences. Plus, I'm late for the wedding dinner! So instead, I shall talk about ... nothing...


*update*

"Let no man tear asunder"

I just want to clarify in the above passage, that ex-'ideal' does not mean that she's in any way defective or inferior. I had a short crush on this gal, Inga, a couple of years back, and I alwiz look back fondly. As all relationships should be - one should alwiz look beyond the facade and dig deeper in order to noe a person better. Bear in mind that these are not major character flaws or any such thing.. ppl are all different, some are more suited to others and not everyone is meant for everyone else. I believe Desmond married HIS ideal woman. She really was the most gorgeous bride.. =) Here's to their future together!

P.S. This update has nothing to do with the fact that Desmond (self-proclaimed 'King of the Internet') noes my site address by heart..

Double-take

Double-take

Since the operation, people have commented that I look different, or the same, or watnot. I've had several theories on why some ppl feel differently, and I've espoused them previously (I think - smtg to do with perceptions). In any case, today's case was the most interesting one by far:

I attended Linna's new Intermediate class for salsa. Upon stepping in and mingling, I noticed Linna already looking at me strangely, not really saying a word yet. It happened that I wound up standing beside her in tht class as the ladies rotated around the circle of guys. I whispered to Mango, the second time she came around, that Linna was giving me strange looks. True enuff, a few partner changes later, Linna suddenly exclaimed "Are you Dax??!" to which I confirmed her animated query. She mentioned smtg along the lines of "No wonder! dances like you, speaks like you, yet it doesn't look like Dax..."

I just found it quite amusing!

How to live everyday

How to live everyday

live every day like it is your last day, because it will be your one and only chance at today! take your time to eat your lunch, and enjoy how it tastes. enjoy the wind and how it feels because you won't feel wind like this again.

that's why i take forever to eat. and shower and do things i enjoy, because i might not be able to enjoy it again.

appreciate everything!

~Ryozan

Outward manifestation of an inward regression

Outward manifestation of an inward regression

Is there a selfish reason behind doing everything? Are we inevitably all about 'me'? Are there actually inherently good people with the purest of intentions? Or is that smtg that we're led to believe?
Take your actions today, look at what you did. There is the outright/overt intention, then there is the underlying intention, and there is the hidden agenda. Do we really have 'pure intentions'?
I think perhaps we're all about satisfying our desires. We do things cos we want to, we give in to ppl cos we have to (cos going against it would be against our interests).
Help - is it really a singular one-way effort to assist?
Offer - do we really offer smtg and not expect any kind of return?
Love - unrequited? love without expectation? so far, i heard only 1 being was able to do it.

Aiyah.. dunno la.. sometimes we just have totally negative views of the world.

Quote of the day:

Quote of the day:

"it's like an ex smoker picking up a cigarette again and booking an appt at the rehab at the same time."

~Mango, on my addiction..

I maintain that i willingly go into it cos of boredom! pure n simple. 'idle hands are the devil's workshop' they say..

Lead us by faith

Lead us by faith

Ah religion.. such a powerful thing. For the cynical, it seems a tool tht certain groups use to manipulate the masses. For the believers, it can mean either of two extremes - our reason for living, or simply a weekly chore or a mimimum requirement.

Today I saw examples of the power of religion. I alwiz question the motives of ppl involved. From my cynical perspective, I can never be sure if ppl actually believe what they are saying. Is it all just some hocus pocus means of deceiving ppl? or is there really salvation waiting for you after you've fulfilled your end of worshipping?

Bush: US probing possible Iran role in September 11 ~ CNA

Bush: US probing possible Iran role in September 11 ~ CNA

Ok, it is me or does it seem as tho the US is becoming the axis of evil themselves? We all noe abt the botched up attempt to eradicate evil in Iraq, and how Bush is the most seemingly inept president we've seen in recent times. Look what he's up to now - taking a stab at Iran. This is the Iran and Iraq that the USA previously played off each other, during that whole conflict some years back. Does Bush see himself as the modern-day political vigilante, out to rid the world of evil and evil-doers without the red cape and underwear?
Let's take a look at a possible underlying motivation:
Iraq, oil-rich. Conversion to a democratic-like state along with a free trade system = good for oil-hungry USA.
Iran, another oil-rich country. From the CIA factbook -

"strategic location on the Persian Gulf and Strait of Hormuz, which are vital maritime pathways for crude oil transport.
Iran's economy is marked by a bloated, inefficient state sector, over reliance on the oil sector, and statist policies that create major distortions throughout".

Guess what the US' possible agenda could be..?

This story was taken of Chris Yeo's blog, the story of David the Brave.
Here's his introduction:

Tuesday, July 06, 2004
My Uncle David

Around May the 10th, I was planning for my trip up to Pulau Aur and to Mersing for diving and stargazing. I wanted to get a map of Mersing town as I had to travel to a part called Tanjong Resang, so my mum directed me to a corner of her room where a pile miscellanous articles were stored.

I did not find the map of Mersing that I was looking for, but chanced upon a plain looking file which I opened out of curiousity. Inside was the story of David the brave. It was about my uncle who passed away when I was very young (17 years ago now), and written by my father. It described how my uncle discovered, fought, and finally succumbed to cancer. I had never known the details about my uncle's death as I was so young then, and never knew that my dad had wrote anything like that. I do remember that he was very well loved and sorely missed. I read the story intently, and put it back exactly as I found it, and did not mention it to anyone as I thought that my father had placed it there for a reason.

A few days later in the car, my father suddenly mentioned that he had chanced upon the story which he wrote 15 years ago. He had forgotten all about it. He said it brought tears to his eyes reading it again. He also said that the day he opened the file happened to be May the 10th, uncle David's death anniversary. I said that I had also chanced upon the file and read the story. That day was Monday, May the 10th.

Intrigued?

My dad had written the story with the intention to publish it somehow for others to read. He asked me to transcribe the typewritten copy, which I have just completed. If you would like to read the story about my Uncle David, you can read it here.
Apologies about the formatting and minor errors. I just simply transcribed everything dumped it into a html file.

My dad will appreciate comments regarding the story. He is thinking of developing it and either making it a newspaper article, a small book or a promotion of hospice work.

posted by chris at 1:22 AM

Life is such that after u bitch and whine, something will come along to make u feel absolutely guilty abt what u've done. And then u try to make up. DO I try to be a better person, or am i just downright rotten without hope of redemption? I doubt if I can act in such a way as Louis or David in the above true story.. since I'm all about me now..

The return of al

The return of al

Our fren has returned. Let us call him Al. After taking a leave of absence for about a year, with the occasional gracing with his presence, he has seemingly returned as if nothing abnormal has occurred. There was a time where both of them were not speaking, except thru their mutual acquaintance. Both fronts were unwilling to give in. It was a time of questioning, a time of uncertainty, a time of recollection. Ultimately, assumptions had to be made and decisions proceeded ahead with. And one was made.

Amidst the questioning (was the decision the right one? was the theory going to hold water? It was indeed a paradigm shift of sorts..), an appeal came through in the form of an IM. The words that appeared seemed unchallenging and was strangely beckoning for normality. He accepted it, albeit with some suspicion, and rightfully so for the fren (Al) was a fren of circumstance..

In the end, the realisation dawned on him after a reunion of sorts. Al hadn't returned with a white flag, he had come to make use of that contact, to further his own base! How backhanded could that be? You may say perhaps that he was being overly-suspicious, even paranoid, but no.. little interest was reserved for his current well-being, having just emerged from an ordeal. No, Al hardly paid any attention to what was even said. How audacious! The fren had returned to re-establishy ties in the hopes of attaining an upperhand.

How easily we can become made use of, how easily these things change. How easily can we turn our backs on whom we once called fren, and just as easily (and with obvious motivation) turn back with a smile.. Disbelief is the word he would use, disbelieving the apparent truth. Unfortunately, it has become the undoubted scripture.

In the news today:

In the news today:
 

"Women strip naked to protest custodial killing in india's northeast"
~Friday Jul 16, 02:53:15 2004 EST
 
A highly unusual protest indeed..

In the news today:

In the news today:

1) Need to influence Philippines? Take a hostage.
I'm too amazed for words. In the wake of the Filipino hostage drama in Iraq, a once firm decision not to withdraw its troops has faltered and Arroyo orders the removal of 51 soldiers and police from the country. That the country actually succumbs to such terrorist demands, what more force do you need to influence their decision-making? Sorry for being sexist, but that's what you get when emotions govern a country.

2) Bush tries to justify war on Iraq
The more he tries to absolve his mistake, the more he looks like he's sweating and trying his hardest to get off the hook. "There's nothing more dangerous than a resourceful idiot".

"We removed a declared enemy of America, who had the capability of producing weapons of mass murder and could have passed that capability to terrorists bent on acquiring them," said Bush.

"In the world after September the 11th, that was a risk we could not afford to take," he said.

"America must remember the lessons of September the 11th. We must confront serious dangers before they fully materialize."

Keep in mind that America themselves have that capability to produce weapons of mass destruction as well. Keep in mind also that reports have indicated that 90% of oil from Iraq is bought by USA.

Commencement 2004

Commencement 2004

As of Thursday, I'll become a graduate of NUS. The ceremony on thurs is supposed to be the start of our careers, or, the point at which we leave our 'beloved' alma mater, and proceed on with the next portion of our lives. Since I officially completed my studies last year, I dun really feel like this ceremony is much of a big deal. Would it make a difference whether or not I got the certificate? Would it make a big difference whether or not I got to wear an oversized piece of faded purplish cloth and a 'mortarboard' on my head? Would it make a diff if I didn't get to throw the mortarboard into the air above?

I suppose its all just symbolism. Its a way for us to commemorate the end of a stage in our lives. A sort of 'last' celebratory opportunity, marking the end of too many years of education. I believe in continuing education, and that we've to continue learning new things everyday, or the brain will atrophy. So in a sense, we haven't actually ended our education, its just a different level of it, I suppose.. For instance, yes I've left sch for about a year already, I've worked as an account exec, I'm currently in the financial trading biz, and consulting for various fields. I've been exploring my options for the past year, and I find I'm still learning. ALL THE TIME. There's alwiz something to be gleaned. Can we say we're the most learned person arnd and need not noe anything more? no..

I've been saying that this ceremony would be more for my parents than anything. All I wanted out of a uni education was a degree anyway, just like most of us (I later learned its not all tht impt if u noe what u want). Wat I got, was a lot more than that. I've met ppl, I've done things, I've experienced new things, I've learned how to think even.. Heck, I totalled a car cos i was going back to nus chinese camp at 4am! Wat I am today, is cos of wat I've gone thru, and the path I took, was via NUS. If I'd gone to Australia, or pursued an alternative course, I'm sure I'd be different. But when u take a look back, and appreciate what u have cos of it, then u start to see where it all becomes worth it.

I'm grateful for all the following:
1) The people I noe call friends frm the grps below
2) Kendo (NUSKK/SKC)
3) Kuok Foundation House (& the RAs!)
4) InfoComm Mgt dept (ICM)
5) Catholic Students' Society (it was alwiz abt the ppl)

And of course there are subcategories for all these; each of them led me to smtg or other (ie. drinking games, salsa, etc). I really shall not elaborate..

So back to the topic, is all this celebration actually important? I'd say YES! of course it is! its to cap it all off, shout out a loud hurrah with your peers arnd - we're thankful for the opportunities!

Peril of Doc Ock

Peril of Doc Ock

Wow.. a comedic spidey stop-motion flick using Lego entirely. Fab!

the sweetest pair

the sweetest pair

I'm upset that I missed so many episodes of the O.C.. its a great show. I was just telling my sis how it all happened - when Marissa was just inexplicably attracted to Ryan, she kept meeting him somehow, or arranging to meet him. There was just something abt tht boy.. she had no idea what was in store, and look at them now.. *awww*

I'll Catch You
~The Get Up Kids

can you sleep as the sound hits your ears one at a time?
an unspoken balance here,
unabridged for so many years
that i should stare at receivers to receive her isn't fair
don't worry i'll catch you
don't ever worry
your arms in mine, anytime
i wouldn't trade anything
you're still my everything
to my surprise, before my eyes you arrive
don't worry I'll catch you
don't ever worry
i'm still breaking old habits; habits when you pulled the wool over me
i can see everything; remembering "jinx removing"
don't worry i'll catch you
don't ever worry
no need for reminding... you're still all that matters to me

Dead Man Walking

Dead Man Walking

I've been having problems with sleep for some years now - I fall asleep whenever something doesn't engage me on an indeterminate level (I really have no idea what it is!). It can happen almost anywhere, anytime, it may or may not have anything to do with sleeping few hours, cos I've done the other extreme before..
In any case, I've fallen asleep while reading, singing, having phone conversations, having face-to-face conversations, driving, eating, (and as I write this - while typing..) You name the situation/place, I've 'done' it. Every sunday, I would fall asleep as if on cue once the surmon commenced! Sleep and me.. I need some help man..

But the one thing that I would alwiz tell people that I can't fall asleep while doing is riding! Seriously.. with the wind in your face, the adrenaline tht pumps u up as you weave between open lanes, all this keeps me awake. But even that is no longer a sure thing..
I was waiting at the traffic light tonite, astride Il Mostro, for it to turn green.. Tonite I actually drifted.. when i realised I had drifted, I found I was refocusing my eyes to my fuel cap (about 45 degrees south of my previous eyepoint)! Sure it was only for abt 2 secs. But it was enuff to make me panic.. I slapped myself awake and raced home before anything untoward happened to my baby by my hand.
This goes to show that even the things you think you can be sure of may not hold water all the time. We can never be sure of anything..

"The Most Beautiful Things"

"The Most Beautiful Things"

~Jimmy Eat World

You say the most beautiful things,
an endless list of treasures of trimmings.
It takes all my faith just to start
I don't care now how much I'm wrong

my song it shames your ears
every sentence a failure.
Slant rhyme is all I can give
Half truth is all I'll get.

Show us all what grace can mean,
all of what I might be.
Close your eyes call it escape.
We'll run away from everything

Lie to me,
love me
We'll run away from everything.

Is there no one else!?

Is there no one else!?

I bet Saizou bet on Portugal.. hahaha..
Anyway, the celebrations in Greece would prolly harken back to the days when myths were made:

"The entire city, including the ancient Acropolis and other monuments, were draped in the glowing lights of fireworks, while canons under the city's Lycabetus hill fired celebratory shots."
Taken from here.

Marlon Brando dies at 80

Stolen from Mango's blog:


Dude @ Esplanade, high on air..

Marlon Brando dies at 80

I got a shock when I saw that headline.. read about it here. He's prolly one of the rare actors with such screen presence. I never caught any of his earlier films, but it was in the Godfather that I first caught sight of the name that everyone old talked abt when I was just a kid. He inspired James Dean! 'nuff said. Later on when I did American Film and had to watch Apocalypse in depth, and do readings about the script, film, actors.. he again stood out as the 'enlightened' enigmatic mumbling personality. Most recently, I caught The Score which had him in it.. It was a DVD and I had the chance to catch him doing an improv for a certain scene. Respect..

Considered by many to be the "Greatest actor of all time", Brando insisted he only made movies for the money. "Acting is an empty and useless profession," he said. Such strong words from one who inspired acting greats like De Niro and Depp.

the world outside has gone to shit. everything that matters is within. how hard issit to understand that? its quite simple really, but somehow hard to come to terms with.
So what issit that is within that matters? I dun really noe myself, I'm prolly contradicting myself, but its how I feel rite now. Would anyone noe? not really. Unless they read it here. Would they then care? I dun really give a shit. Que sera sera with both middle fingers.

Actually.. truth be told, i dun really noe how to care either. a double-edged sword? it sure ain't a katana.

*update*
Had 2 lousy dreams to cap it off:
1. I dreamt of a secondary sch buddy whom I've lost contact with since JC. Instead of an enthusiastic 'Hi, how've you been', I got a cold reception, and found out later that it wasn't that we simply lost contact, it was a conscious effort on his part. that hurt.
2. 2nd dream was about the sweetest gal, we've become friends now, and things are pretty good and nicely distant. The dream brought back some of the old days tho, and the vision with bad teeth was there again. And yes.. that hurt too.

What's going on man.. subconscious mind is taking over. its on a mission to make me question me.

Job Opportunity at M&C Saatchi - Urgent!

Job Opportunity at M&C Saatchi - Urgent!

I've got an opportunity for an opening at M&C Saatchi. Karen is consulting for them right now, and they are urgently looking for a male Account Executive.

You should have an approachable nature, be able to work well with people in general, be organised and pay particular attention to details. Most importantly, be able to achieve your deadlines!

If you would like to follow up on this opportunity, pls contact me ASAP and I will furnish you with further details.
Thanks!

"What price happiness?"

"What price happiness?"

~ Straits Times, World section, pg 13, 30 June 2004

"The argument is that if you want to be happy, there's a very simple thing you can do: compare yourself to people who are less well off than you - poorer, smaller house, car... what a lot of people do is quite the opposite... then always going to be well down"
~ Timothy Sharp, founder of the Happiness Institute in Australia

Let's try it.. =)

Can I say I'm disappointed? I'm disappointed in that the ideals we hold and are brought up to believe in do not really hold water amongst the very same ppl who taught it to us. I'm disappointed cos when we try to help, our help gets thrown back in our faces. I'm disappointed cos we can only do so much, and the rest is up to another mind to decide on. I'm disappointed cos there's so much out there, but not all of it is for us. I'm disappointed cos there is no such thing as Happy Ever After. I'm disappointed cos the truth really is out there, and its not as simple as you think. I'm disappointed cos of imbalance, jealousy and envy. I'm disappointed cos we can never see the good in front of us, and only the bad in others. I'm disappointed cos even if you work hard at smtg or go so far as to make a huge change, sometimes u just can't be as good as the next guy. I'm disappointed cos there may very well not be a heaven waiting for us.
Can you tell I'm disappointed?

an a cappella presentation by NUS Resonance

an a cappella presentation by NUS Resonance

I want to blog about the performance I was at this evening - NUS Resonance - an a cappella group. It was not at all wat I was expecting. It was quite an informal affair, with much audience interaction, bantering amongst the ensemble, and even antics! And of course, the fantastic beatbox/vocal percussion accompaniment, the casual introductions of their songs, and the great lighting!
It was not only an audio feast, it was visually fantastic as well! From the first song, they had the whole guys n gals in black, sitting on high stools, with silver caps! I was telling Weilee how at some sonic concerts, I sometimes just close my eyes and feel the different layers of music.. but for Resonance's performance, I found myself unable to keep them closed cos there was so much movement and the occasional hilarious action! I thoroughly enjoyed each and every piece that they chose to showcase.
The song that made the hair on my arms stand (which is a good thing!), was the 2nd encore song, lead by Joel. Gail was one of the supporting a cappella vocals. It was a great piece and sung as tho they've known it for the longest time cos it was the most confident one, i found. That one I could close my eyes to. And it was gorgeous.
I remember a couple of years ago when Gail asked me to try-out for Resonance, I totally refused then, for fear of public performances and the lack of time. As I watched them tonite, I kept thinking to myself that I could very well have been making music just like tht if I had obliged then. I'm not saying I can sing as well as these people, but if they found a niche for me (with my strange range), it would have been a great ride too. Singing has alwiz been something I did to release stress with ole' Justin - he would play his guitar, and I would sing along..
This made me think of my old choir, Regina Coeli.. comparisons were made, and accomplishments compared. I did enjoy the time with them, but I just kept thinking, had I been a part of something else like this a cappella group instead of with them, what else would be different? It got me to thinking if it were possible to start an a cappella section in the RCC, as in a real 5-6 piece one, not just sectionals.. but of course.. i wouldn't know how to! not to mention the lack of skill in arranging this! I alwiz had this inspiration, that we would somehow be doing public performances (not carolling), mebbe it wasn't to be in the RCC.. but elsewhere?
Anyway, am getting tired again, so I'll end my gushing here.. it truly was great. I was just damn sad cos so many other ppl could have come watch this.. but they chose not to. Its just a sad waste. I would've loved to be able to share the experience! Watch out for their next performance I suppose?

In other news..
Pressured into getting my act together. I'm up against way too much, and in order to get that edge, I really have to get with the program and jump back into real life for real. Somehow I'm still just sailing along.. not really putting the effort to make the boat move faster, just riding the winds..
I believe competition spurs me on, and I am now trying to put together some names and achievements for me to use as motivation.. ppl I noe who are of my age group and who are doing great commendable things - the great catches for the discerning young adult. I believe this will work out. Cut off all other distractions..