JY revived my flagging interest in salsa tonite.. yes, it was something tht I really loved some months back, esp when I got in with that group previously mentioned. but since xenbar started charging entry fees and having their belly-dancing demonstrations.. its been slowly waning.. more demoralised that anything ctually.
I may have picked salsa up for the wrong reasons, but ever since then, I have really grown to love it - as a form of expression, as a form of non-verbal communication, as a form of enjoyment, and the feeling that comes from wheeling a partner around beautifully.
However, today was fab - i didn't care abt who was dancing, I din care abt anything - i just danced.. and i loved it again. once again I want to improve, to learn more, and be able to do more.
sometimes we pick things up for the wrong reasons, but we find out more tht tht fluke may turn out to be a real gem in the end. *sweet*

NUS Exams are over! These are the most treasured times I have - Friday, Saturday and most other nights.. Please.. if you wanna do smtg.. just do it. I'm game!! I'm also dying for a drinking party sometime soon.. and yes.. risk doing more stupid things. haha

I discovered a popup remover called "Another IE Popup Killer V2.00" by fadsoft.com yesterday.. its fabulous. its small (less than a meg/negligible RAM usage). its free. and it just killed 56 popups since I started the comp 20 mins ago!!! Try it dudes. I dunno if the link above works, I got the program off www.download.com. it mite just stop the irritation from all tht crap tht loads when u aren't watching.. =)

Indecent Exposure
There she is: tall and tan and young and lovely. The modern Girl from Ipanema- everyone goes ahhh.. when she passes. She's the epitome of cool, calm and collected. She's got her executive pumps, her hair styled to exude control, her gucci sunnies resting prominently above her brow. She sits there looking really full of control, self-assured. But look.. there, a flash of white. was that what I think it was? all that she's worked to create - for all that, she's just let her guard down unintentionally. Did she just drop a notch?
I was let into a secret recently, a fren spied me peeing one night - cos I was drunk and was helped into the stall. It was a real surprise to be let into smtg like that. I felt like a part of me suddenly went missing. I didn't know how to feel. It was strange. We all wear clothes, and cover up ourselves to some extent. Yes, we may bare a shoulder here, or go floundering on the beach in minimal clothing, but we don't actually get to bare it all. Consider Nudist's Beaches.. Yes I've seen pictures, but its different being a voyeur and actually being on the other side! Ok, I noe it wasn't intentional at all, she had to help me if not I'd have prolly drowned in my own pee - dun go anal on me ya?
So if we are let into a situation where we are let into smtg like that, how does that make us feel? If you caught a flash of someone's breasts, or looked out the window to see your neighbour changing, or were privy to a watering hole where women bathed regularly (ala DreamQuest!), how would that make you feel? Would you feel dirty? Would you look away? Would you feel a perverse sense of power? Would you keep looking?
Then again, there are the flashers and exhibitionists that I've heard of who exist in our very society.. Obviously they wouldn't have any of these qualms.. they'll whip it out anytime. Peace.

*update*
to my fren - I'm sorry for the horrendous experience. anyways, this post isn't aimed at u, just tht I was in your situation recently and had time to reflect on both sides of the issue.

She made my day that much better. just by being there, talking so easily to her - we had lost all concept of time. I learned so much tonite - making a comparison, analysing the past, learning. Erdinger's alwiz goes down great with fab company. First time meeting the sweetest gal without a pre-arranged apptmt. =) I had a good day!

My God! My Tourniquet,
Return to me salvation. ~Evanescence

"What the world needs - is pure, sweet, naive, innocent, no defences, first love" ~fren Lydia

"Your thoughts create your destiny" ~Fr Luke Fong, during a mass today

I've said before that I really want to laugh - to laugh out loud, to laugh hard, to just let it go till I get a tummyache. I realise tht I have many things to smile abt. But how many of these things am I truly glad to be smiling for? I thought I've been laughing, but its not a pure happy laugh. its put-on, just like my smile.
I smirk when I see something tht I think has dubious undertones, and I feel gleeful when no one else notices it. I see all the double-entendres, the double-meanings. I see them all cos I've become a cynic.
Jokes aren't funny anymore, comedies just turn up a lopsided smile at best, the most I can get out of me is a smile of approval.
I've been wanting to go on a journey of self-discovery, I've told some frens tht I've been considering joining my cuz at Peru.. I realise tht tht trip may no longer be necessary - I know what it is I've lost. I've lost my humour.

"the most wasted of all days is one without laughter" ~E.E. Cummings

"A home in which there is no laughter is only a house" ~G. H. Knight

impulse buys
Most ppl see smtg tht looked so good, at that point in time, tht they just HAD to buy it. I was bored, and almost ended up with a piercing.. luckily I din see any stud at tht shop tht I just HAD to have..
I've alwiz wanted an eyebrow piercing for the longest time.. i have no explanation as to why - it wouldn't look good with my face, and I'm not into piercings. so help me explain why this compulsion is so apparent in me? Another reason I stopped myself was cos the price of tht piercing just din seem real - $60!??
some impulse buys are more regrettable than others. haha..

I noe some ppl who can work and work and work.. sure, they set time to do other stuff and have fun too, but whereas the rest of us have "slacking" time, where we just laze arnd, sleep, bludge in front of the tv, or sit and stare, these ppl, if they aren't working, would be doing smtg else just as constructive. There is no rest, rest is when its time to sleep - and they take the mandatory 3 hours or so only. Otherwise, they'll be doing smtg or other, never wasting time.
Hell, even me writing abt such ppl is considered a waste of time by their standards! I tot I could be tht kind of guy - but it seems tht I'm treasuring my out-of-office time as well, and instead of work on my other stuff as I thought I could do, I destress and hang with frens. And while I'm in the office, I do things like blog. haha
So mebbe I'm not cut out to be really successful? or really hardworking? its not glam, its not deadend, its just not me. This is of course, in comparison again.. ohwell.. mebbe instead of being one of the high-flying working ppl, I could be just a mediocre working dude? good enuff?

The difference between uni essays and research for work:
uni ("the 1st 3 idyllic years" -shuyin)
-you're given a month
-you have a word limit
-you write abt smtg tht interests u
-u can bullshit cos u just have to convince the lecturer
-u can score just by having good english
-if you turn out a piece of crap, u can make up during the final exam

real life
-you're given a week
-you have to cover all bases - wat word limit? just keep it simple!
-you write abt smtg tht is assigned to u
-u can't bullshit cos business decisions are based on wat u churn out
-score? when the venture pans out THEN u score, good english or not
-if you turn out a piece of crap, u get fucked-over then fired.

Now GET CRACKING!

*update*
courtesy of shuyin:

hons year essays
- you have four essays and presentations crammed into a month so that gives you a few days for each if you're lucky
- the word limit is never enough but you'll still sound like you're rambling
- you're sick to death of the subject and writing about it is worse than having a toxic disease that makes your intestines bleed through bodily orifices
- if you bullshit you get crap grades. if you don't bullshit you still get crap grades
- your english is never good enough; one misplaced comma and you're down a grade
- if you turn in a piece of crap, your exams are guaranteed to be worse

its not nice to talk abt friends the way I do sometimes.. its a whole speak your mind thing - but bear the consequences.. I've been wracked by guilt.. and it took me 2 days to remove the post.. was i trying to get sympathy? was I trying to pull a stunt? was i trying to make her feel bad? I dunno.. emotions can get the most of me sometimes.. and most of the time, its not a nice thing at all. learn dude.. u can hurt ppl like dat..

Let Me Be The One
The Carpenters

Some sleepless night,
if you should find yourself alone,
Let me be the one you run to,
Let me be the one you come to
when you need someone to turn to,
Let me be the one.

To set things right
when this old world’s turned upside down,
Let me be the one you run to,
Let me be the one you come to
when you need someone to turn to,
Let me be the one.

For love and understanding,
to find a quiet place;
For silent understanding,
a loving touch.
Come to me when things go wrong
and there’s no love to light the way.

Let me be the one you run to,
Let me be the one you come to
when you need someone to turn to,
Let me be the one.

caught between childlikeness and being grown-up. where are we actually? certain situations demand tht we behave in a way tht may be more like what we really are, and others demand tht we be something different. in life, we face many situations where we make subconscious choices as to how we should be. we gauge our surroundings and let it dictate what we do.
Acting like a kid, a throwback to our childish days would let those witnessing it to lower their guard, this shows a more private side of us. allowing the ones privy to this to get closer on the relationship scale.
Then there are those times when u need to get the confidence of ppl. acting kiddish will just bury u; maturity and discipline are aspects of adulthood which we choose to show more of then. allowing them to trust u to handle it.
what affects our choices in this decision? as mentioned, it is subconscious, most of the time. but those who have mastery over controlling others' emotions can make conscious decisions to influence how others perceive us. Insidious? its called having "ppl-skills"..
when we're young, we all wanna be grown up; when we're getting old, we all wish to be younger. plus the manipulation of behaviour to control attitudes towards u, what we have is a nice little paradox.. bravo.

The ghosts of the past seem to be resurfacing. once upon a time I tot they'd been laid to rest - but tonite I realised that they've never actually left. they just took on a different guise.
How can one be assured of himself if he's alwiz making comparisons? satisfaction will never be gained. insecurities will alwiz remain, and one can never be happy.. When I was young, my mom would alwiz bring up references to so-and-so's kid who was doing so well, scoring so high, getting watever achievements.. all my life I was being compared to another whom I may not even noe. In Singapore, I believe I'm not the only one like this. I daren't say its a Singaporean thing - stemming from our 'kiasu' nature.. but well.. it very well may be so. We're alwiz having performance indicators - to find out the top 10 schools, best eating places, top 10 businesses, no.1 broadcast channel, etc etc.. even in sch, we were given a ranking of where we stood in our entire cohort. Luckily, I was alwiz pretty high up, coming from neighbourhood schs, but I bet it would have been quite depressing for the kid who was last in the entire cohort in ANY school.
In any case, this very nature that is so within us could very well be responsible for disappointment and anxiety that exists in our world. Kudos to the man who can look at something thru the eyes of a child.

I need to smile again. I need to really laugh out loud. I want to.

I was sitting at the taka fountain tonite, contemplating on the stuff tht I mite have missed out in life while growing up. Some things are such tht once u miss it, you'll never get it back again - never have another chance at it. we learn by trial and error, but wat abt the times where u can err but once? these will never come back and present themselves to you - there are no wat ifs, no had i done this, or if onlys..
Returning to the point, I look at groups and youths, i look at frens and hear their stories.. oftentimes I realise tht I'm listening intently to what they have to say, the experiences tht they wanna share, the differences in what they did, and what they did. In the end, its not abt what you've gone thru, cos we're all unique - we do/ have done things differently, no two ppl are alike, no two ppl will go thru the same experiences. mebbe some of us are better story-tellers, it doesn't mean that our own experiences are incomparable to the next fella's?
I still believe in living the here and now, and not to dwell too much on moments gone by. I believe in trying new things. and to find the ultimate adventure. Just cos someone is doing smtg differently right now is no reason for me to lament and bury my head into the ground!? I have just as many stories to tell, as many things tht I've done tht I'm proud of, if not more..
Now, I just wanna go sleep.. nite frens!

People could learn so much.. if they just shut up and listen.
I met up with an old acquaintance tonite. I think way back when, I was kinda a "baby-sitter".. I took care of her, went everywhere with her, kept her company when she'd nothing better to do, chaperoned her at clubs.. all cos her jealous then-boyfren was my buddy. I realised that was wat kept us together during tht period of time. I guess in retrospect, things were such that we were never really meant to be tht close. it was just circumstance tht left us there. I was young and stupid then - had no idea how to deal with situations. smtg happened tht made me do the dax-thing - cutting the person off frm my life (I can't recall wat it was). and we hadn't seen each other in years.. more than 3 years definitely.
so we met up. I can't define how I'm feeling - u noe how u sometimes wished u din disturb the dust-covered book (cos it stirred up more dust than provided knowledge)? tht's kinda how I feel.. it wasn't anything wrong really, it was nice meeting up and catching up, of course. its alwiz nice meeting frens..
Perhaps its the overall melancholy of the week tht's cast this shroud over everything I'm feeling.. everything seems to be affecting me somehow or other - none in the positive way so far. Times like these, I take comfort in looking up at the immense night sky - clear, moonlit; a vast open expanse.

Dax wrote:
> How ya doing? hope all's been good. miss ya. =)

she's not been good. I miss her. I really do. thus the msg. and she really appreciated tht. my best fren who left the life here for a supposedly better one down-under.
I just wanna be with her now, just do wat we used to do. She's in need of a fren, and I wanna be tht fren to her now. just noeing tht there's someone there (tho so far away), just isn't enuff sometimes.
but what can i do? wat can I do indeed..
Miss you much Alicia.

we're no longer bound by the 9-5 work routine. We all sit in front of our pcs, we chat, we study, we read, we listen, we watch. its all part of the internet culture. so we spend most of our waking hours in front of our pcs. of course we go out, we live life, and when we return home, we return to our pcs.
So there I was, I started the morning at work by turning on the notebook. I sat there, went for lunch, went for an apptmt, returned, and before I knew it, it was 5:30pm.. I carried on..
we no longer respond to time frames like wat our parents did - there's no separation between work and leisure.. when we're working, we have our leisure side by side there as well.. work is no longer work, it has been balanced out by technology. making life better.

Threat rating: Medium. Your total lack of decent
family values makes you dangerous, but we can
count on some right wing nutter blowing you up
if you become too high profile.


What threat to the Bush administration are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Some Trojan humour..

"Straight for the buttocks there - typically french.."
Check this out..

"She's like a french goose before christmas!"
Click ..

"the flip and dock.. it CAN go horribly wrong.."
Clack..

First day in the new office with Kaz of Kazworks! it was quite fun.. was admittedly expecting some discomfiture, for some reason, but when it came to the crunch, i was totally at ease. it was damn cool! we're going shopping for food on monday!! (to bring to the office). We've got a view of the Galleria Hotel's swimming pool (which I predict is gonna be my most favourite view for the next few months), which has glass sides so u can see the swimming bodies - so voyeuristic, and a nice board-room table to do our work on.
Have I become a corporate slave, as wat dear ole Joanna was afraid tht she'd become when she did her internship at Accenture? I dun think this counts tho.. Nothing but good things to say this nite. =)

The Office -
Its got wall-to-wall glass on 2.5 sides of it. its actually a small conference room, so we've got a long board-table to share between the both of us and lots of chairs... nice comfy rolling ones with adjustable arm rests.. there's a plant there which I tot was fake at first, bet a coffee with karen, then realised it was real. and tht's about it i guess. its a really nice place. =)

Going for a drinking party. a real proper drinking party. the kind u get into when u insinuate tht certain ppl have very little alcohol tolerance. Just 3 or 4 guys. no games. just drinking. straight up, one for one.
I've got work pending, but I've agreed to go. what kind of worker am I? gee.. mebbe a drunk one. perhaps I mite attain some nirvanic insight into the workings of life? better than innane ramblings of a disillusioned bum.. =)

*update* wow. zonked out last nite. i even left my computer on. shites. damn mr dragon! lousy cheaters!

I guess I caught on to this kinda late. I may have been informed, or even seen some of this before.. but I dun think I've been this affected.. the food we eat.. the processes that go into it. the preparation. we all noe tht part. but do u noe what goes on before the meats reach your supermarket? Meet your Meat. (a porno)
We noe tht all the livestock is just meant for humans to consume. When the world was smaller, we hunted, killed and processed livestock too. different methods were employed, based on the different cultures. we may or may not approve of each of these. but with the introduction of mass production, easy, cheap and efficient methods arose. Our livestock stopped being considered living things then onward. they just contributed to consumption. after all, the human population was growing, it needed to be fed, just increase production to match the demand, and try to keep costs as low as you can.
The end result? pure, unadulterated cruelty. and we live with our eyes closed, and our tummies full. do we want our food to cost more? do we want to have to change our diets? so do we just remain apathetic? i can only cry now.

You are Form 1, Goddess: The Creator.

"And The Goddess planted the acorn of life.
She cried a single tear and shed a single drop
of blood upon the earth where she buried it.
From her blood and tear, the acorn grew into
the world."

Some examples of the Goddess Form are Gaia (Greek),
Jehova (Christian), and Brahma (Indian).
The Goddess is associated with the concept of
creation, the number 1, and the element of
earth.
Her sign is the dawn sun.

As a member of Form 1, you are a charismatic
individual and people are drawn to you.
Although sometimes you may seem emotionally
distant, you are deeply in tune with other
people's feelings and have tremendous empathy.
Sometimes you have a tendency to neglect your
own self. Goddesses are the best friends to
have because they're always willing to help.


Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

As the sun went down on the tired worker, he trudged on to his bike, and got on it. then he smiled. he had remembered tht he needed to get a little smtg special before heading home tonite - orange hair magic..
Working late into the night, he was late in getting ready. He drew his eyes, changed his hair colour, then later donned his white n blue outfit. It was All Hallow's Eve, and anything could happen. smtg did happen - by 11pm, Kenshin was raised from the dead.

Posing with Navin & posse, posing with Morticia (Gayle) & posse, posing with sweet Val.

Went to Gerard's little house party. was quite cool, but when the gals left, we figured it was time to leave too, before Stuart got into a fight with himself. so Mike n me went over to East Coast Big Splash - The Tunnel (was it?) for a party.. no comments.. was way too tired to enjoy myself. note to self - dun force self to party just cos u think u deserve it.
But i learnt tht applying make-up is a real art! kudos to the ladies who noe how to apply make-up such tht we can't tell at all. and its quite fun too. heh..