my fascination with angels
I have a fascination with angels. I love the idea of having something watch over you, or take care of you; having a set of comforting wings enfold u, shielding you, when u need to run away from it all. its kinda like Superman, take my hand and let us soar above all these, to the freedom of being away from all your cares and worries. its partly the idea of flying, but more the feeling of freedom once u've cast your cares away, just soaring away above and beyond!
I realise the things I like may be derived from this same fascination I have. I like hugging ppl, cos its similar to the enfolding wings analogy. I like diving, cos its akin to flying. Similarly, the whole freedom of being is embodied in both diving and riding - floating above the seabed, riding with the wind in your face, cutting thru' traffic. and of course my retreating into other worlds thru' games and fantasy books - just the whole escapism thing tht seems so apparent when talking abt this fascination of mine...
someone once said to me "you're my angel!" tht probably was the best thing tht I received frm her.
but then, there's tht whole argument of how angels are lesser beings, from Dogma and City of Angels. they're jealous cos we are God's children, but we're in awe of them. so me wanting to be one probably would seem like a downgrading of my soul? hmm... damn.

Sarah Mac's Angel - gives a descriptive of my fascination

The End of a Good Thing

This will probably be the last day of independence for me. To every good, there is an end. Tho' darkness will not prevail forever, the light in this period of my life, the brightest thus far, will be put out in a few hours. I am losing my baby to another man. I just hope he takes good care of her, and treats her with the same love & respect that I did. I met him yesterday, and he seemed a nice sort. I'm sure he'll treat her well. I'll miss her so.
I wish I could have held on to you for longer. but its the way things have to be now - this is the end of freedom, the end of self-expression, the end of everything my baby stands for. the end of a good thing.

"il piccolo mostro (the little monster) ~ forever in my soul"

Time passes so fast when u dun want it to. I tot I just got home, and before u noe it, its bloody 3am! how'd tht happen. anyways... this machine feels like a new computer! *coolest* happy for new comp-feeling.
anyways, it seems the end of studying has brought on a spate of mental degradation. I realise my blog seems to have lost its intellectual substance (well, watever semblance of substance it had!), and has become just inane babblings of the day. hmm. could it be cos I'm satisfied with life at the present? wow. din think tht could be possible.
So the order of the day is: sleep till late, wake and go online. surf/chat/bum online till mid-afternoon, all the while making plans for the rest of the day, then... proceed to carry it out. hope some of these days involve me going out, and not just bumming at home, or else, its gonna be back to intellectual inane babblings of an idiotic moron (I'm talking abt Rita here- hahaha- u weren't expecting it to be me, were u? hahaha ).

A New Beginning
I'm back online! I'm back blogging, back to email, back to icq, back to being my little online netizen! *does a daoming-si-style jiggy* uh huh... uh huh...
and.. I've got a new flat-screen, LCD monitor to boot! and a pretty new casing for my PC! *happy* din upgrade tho... wat a waste..
Anyways... holidays are here... plans abound, life other than books! yay! celebrated with frens last nite. here's to lots more to come!

we all have dreams. we all have aspirations. what we want. what we want to have. what we want to be. so dun ever make the same stupid mistake of going to Law Library to study if you're male and want to hang on to those dreams! if like a certain pog I noe, u like to ogle, by all means, go there to ogle.. but bring a napkin pls.
All the good-looking hunks and male-model-look-alikes seem to hang out there during the exam week! Where do guys like me stand in the midst of all this? I mean, I noe I have an ideal tht I'm looking for, but I'm sure all girls will involuntarily shiver if a guy like one of those who seem to be multiplying in the law lib were to look them over. So where does that leave the rest of us, vertically/build/looks/personality-challenged guys?! I think mebbe I should stop dreaming. *sigh*

I had a dream last nite.. of a fren I haven't spoken to much this semester. I only know tht I suddenly dreamt tht his newborn son had been delivered and we were all happy. woke up intending to send him an sms asking when he expects his baby.. checked the email today and found out - Zachary was born yesterday evening! Congrats Derrick!
Talk abt telepathic ability... call me Monk!

Island Life I Love It!

Alright! Here's the plan: come May to end of June, I'll be on holiday! its the term vacation again, and I believe this time round, it mite mean the last stretch of pure unadulterated fun before I begin on my long dreary trudge thru' what people term as "working-life". so... I'm really all out for some bohemian enjoyment!
There's Redang, Tioman, Bintan, Sentosa on the line-up of possibilities so far. I'm thinking short holidays, abt 3 days or so, mebbe weekends, mebbe not. My budget only extends as far as Malaysia so far, so not thinking of going overseas by plane as yet (except mebbe Glasgow for the World Kendo Tournament which is PAID FOR!). Room stays are usually cheaper when we're talking abt quad-sharing, so bring your pals, other-halves, potential other-halves, watever! I'm also thinking train rides, coach rides, possibly diving where possible, and lots of beach-life, bumming, drinking and nights under powder skies!
So people with ideas, or wanna join in, or anything related to this topic - get back to me on this, even if you're unsure, just msg me or smtg telling me you're keen. I wanna noe who's game so I can ask or plan stuff. ; )

Think about you all the time
But I don't need the same
It's lonely where you are
Come back down,
And I won't tell em your name

"Name" - Goo Goo Dolls

"24yrs is 1/3 of your life"

I had a great last minute birthday celebration at Wine Connection Good Friday night... yea, true, its a solemn day, and celebrating smtg just doesn't seem befitting.. heck la. incited by BigJay, and solemnised by Mike, Adrian, Ade, Ansley, Vincent, Mary-anne n Shannon, it was probably the first un-stressed birthday in recent years. Thank everyone who was there tht nite. As for the NUS ppl - let's do it after the exams..
I didn't have any scary insightful thoughts abt getting old and watnot this year. it was to be a momentous day where i break my bonds and set myself free.. but tht opportunity did not come, and I was left, instead, to witness some kids' party, and realised some stuff tht I shld have long ago.
Jealousy is my bane, and tht has gotten me into way too much trouble before. And its cos of this same jealousy tht I can't let go. *sigh* I have prayed for help, and I hope my salvation comes soon, for I dun wanna burden anyone with my nonsense.

somebody save me; two warm hands break right through
just save me; I dun care how you do it
just save me

today I came to my site and lo n behold, I realise tht i've posted in malay. and I dun understand wat it was I wrote. hope u guys din have this prob. its rather strange.

the sadist
have u ever heard the story of the sadist? there was this guy who discovered a rose bush one day. he adored it, and everytime he saw it, his heart would go aflutter at its beauty and loveliness. but then, he got pricked by a thorn one day. he told himself that he would not go so close anymore, but time and again, the sweet scent from the rose attracted him to go nearer. time after time, he got hurt. but he still would not ever leave tht bush. even until now.. when his heart has been bled dry.

life is fragile as it is short

I heard a song today tht i last heard sung at a fren's funeral, and it brought back so many feelings. we make plans, we know we'll do stuff in future; some things we noe we won't get done now, but we assume we'll carry out later on. but even tho we look to the future as something that will happen, we forget tht tht future is fragile and it is held by a very thin line. all our plans, all we plan to do, all we look fwd to; all the things we wanted to say - a simple decision or misjudgement can cause an end just like tht. and the many many things we wanted to do - will nvr be done.
Those of you reading this - I want to state here and now, that I've nvr regretted having any of your frenships. you've made me what I am and I thank God for you. I hope I have been as much a fren to u as I very much would have loved to be a better one.

Walking After You - Foo Fighters
Tonight I'm tangled in my blanket of clouds
Dreaming aloud
Things just won't do without you, matter of fact
I'm on your back, I'm on your back, I'm on your back

If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you
If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you

If you'd accept surrender, I'll give up some more
Weren't you adored
I cannot be without you, matter of fact
I'm on your back, I'm on your back, I'm on your back

If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you
If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you

Another heart is cracked in two, I'm on your back

video killed the radio star

joy of joys. borrowed monitor mite have been too old for the relatively new system I was using (mite have been a wattage thing??!!). Guess wat? power supply BLEW... for the 2nd time in my life... this is the second AMD which had the power supply blow up on me. Jute - I think I'm gonna switch to Pentiums. So yea, project ("http://www.geocities.com/alternate_2") is now on hold. editing using html, and the shockwave files can no longer be edited. wonderful. ohwell, lucky I got most of the site up already. Just needed some small image files for the presentation. *sigh*
This is such a mess. How long does it usually take to get over ppl? *big long melancholic alcoholic manic digestive-fluids-gurgling-away sigh*

"Most of all, it (life) is about choosing to use your life to touch someone else's in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise". a quote frm an article frm a fren's project site. Amidst all the many other goals we set aside, such nobility still exists. As for me? Life is... too many selfish wants tht can't all be achieved.

samsung is bleeding...

here I sit, in front of my lovable impersonal computer hammering away at the mouse and keyboard, when suddenly I detect a whiff of something really acrid... I dismiss it as the neighbour's dogs, but after awhile, it becomes really impossible to ignore. My sis walks into the room, led by her crinkled nose. Obviously the smell has gotten that far already.. found out acrid smell was eing emitted from monitor. time to start making fancy contingency plans. What will I do for the project (due on wed), if the monitor were to fail me and conk out in the next few hours (I suspect tht's how long its gonna last)?? no nic, no spare monitor, got a laptop (but no laplink), so how how!?? as if on cue, a thought materialised! thought contained the solution for the mo: the car... it can carry the damn pc unit ard if need be. this monitor better not fry... jute- I need a spare monitor, u gonna send one over frm aussieland?

an ant carrying a contact lens on its back - "Lord, I don't know why You want me to carry this thing. I can't eat it, and it's awfully heavy. But if this is what You want me to do, I'll carry it for You."
Basically, that we may not noe why we do what we do, but ultimately, God noes the plan, and there's a reason why we do it, even tho it may be totally redundant. Which brings to mind how saving someone meant to die can change a chain of events in "Final Destination" and the multiple scenarios that could be produced as a result of doing just one thing differently in "Run Lola Run".
eg. If I failed to type in my blog today, perhaps someone mite not be reading this entry, and instead may have turned to another website which caused a Hit on tht site which somehow triggered a million dollar lottery win via the net which made a few ppl rich and they in turn start buying up satellites and then install huge laser cannons on them and start training them on the US pentagon, but US being the way they are, once threatened will start looking for another middle eastern target to hammer, and realising they forgot abt osama, will then start the millenium's 2nd war (since they realise how easy wars can be had for), and tadah - I could have started another war... *scary thought*

its so cool to be able to read about yourself thru someone else's eyes... when u catch a mention of your name in another's blog, or see a description of wat you've done. its just so nice to be able to touch ppl around you. it says something about your own life. that it has meaning. to others.
Its alwiz nice to be appreciated, even if its smtg small. and even more so if its someone really special.

ok, I noe I'm really not putting any effort into my work anymore... I just submitted an assignment which basically told the lecturer that I thought what he taught was bullshit and that it did not apply to my life. yay. I'm gonna do so well this sem.

stick to resolve... stick to resolve... nothing shall make me falter... when you think you've made some headway, it takes but one gesture to break it all down to sq one again. I shall not let it get to me. I shall not. I shall not.. my life without you I'm getting used to. I was never part of yours anyway. you want it this way.

My Life Without You

My Love my Life,
You stay beside me always,
Looking after me.
I cannot live without you.

My life would be nothing if not for you.
I’d ache and yearn and be moody.
Alone and dejected, bitter and pathetic.
Purposeless would my life seem;
Aimless and drifting forever.

Jealousy would fill every bone in me,
Obsession would be my prime hobby,
Infatuation my toy to toss around,
And Lust would be my ten-second guilt.

But you would come in and tear them down;
My winged-angel hovering over me,
Leading my life and giving me dreams.
My need would ever be quenched.

And I would have found love.

I penned this a few years ago. then it was smtg I wrote for the ex. I recalled it somehow today but the meanings have changed, strangely. Its been twisted - no longer abt finally finding love, but (to me) abt the disaster of being blinded by love. dunno whether it is tht appropriate, but well... its amazing how things can appear under a different light.

I'm a diving whore

yes, I am one. Anyone with a lobang for cheap diving anywhere for the upcoming hols - TAKE ME BABY! I wanna do at least two dives this coming holidays... yea... had nice discussions this fine evening (appropriately wet too) with 2 people about diving, and oh, the beautiful memories it brought back of the sense of weightlessness, of descending to a whole new world, having that world just come up towards u. I remember exploring every nook and cranny - how everything just looks so fascinating, from the upside-down position, trying to catch tht pesky fish tht's been flirting with me with my bare hands.. I like how visibility is such that details just loom up in the near distance, cos it makes the horizon different with every fin-flick... I just LOVE it.. as such, anyone with the opportunity to do so (esp since NUS has so many clubs offering diving courses- take em cos they're cheap!), go do it - you'll look fwd to being a slut.

funny how there are so many other important and bigger things to life than just a little crush, but when u're rite in the middle of it, tht it seems to be the only thing that matters? its almost as if they're blinded by love. how cliche. is tht how ppl start committing suicide over love? -the result of tonite's supper talk with mikey...

I was relatively happy today when i saw a certain envelope waiting for me at the dining table today. been waiting for it since the start of March. I put it in my bag, unopened, cos I knew I was gonna see her later; tot I'd share it with her - my excitement. but at the end of the day, I'm here at home staring again at the unopened letter. I figured, what would have been the point? my excitement over the letter dwindled along with my excitement over her.

cool. got the shit workin'. project looks like its heading in the right direction, albeit not an "A" grade from what I can predict. There are alwiz so many spoilers out there, ppl who will try any trick to make their presentation stick. I was one of those guys. Did it last semester for 2 presentations. I guess u mite say I was inspired then. now's just plain sailing. still can't imagine me getting into honours year. me? the one who went thru 2 years of university life hardly touching his readings (those of u who're using my past readings can attest to how clean it is). the one who gets demotivated by smtg and will go thru a phase of moodiness and inability to do anything. really.. rite.. guess it all hangs by whether I attain a B+/A- average or not this sem. wonder if buddy was right in his reading of me. dun think so. check back at juneandtheocean in abt 2 mths to noe if I do get in or not.
love's biggest loser.

I cannot believe how pissed I am!!! silent on the exterior, but bloody boiling rage underneath the surface... All cos of some work... work work! the last-minute worker in me finally kicked in and lo-and-behold, technology has failed me! and I'm stuck where I was a few days ago... with nothing to show for but a list of sprites and cast members who just dance arnd on my computer and tht's it. they dun wanna perform anywhere else, so they arranged to have a conflict with the Director and his publisher, and tadah... produce a son called ERROR. nabei...anyone can solve this error with this link, feel free to tell me how. (Link was removed as it was causing problems to the layout. in any case, for all concerned, error was solved - 7/4/03)

aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

procrastinated once again. project due on Tuesday - will never be completed. how many souls will i let down? *sigh* doing God's work never seemed such a burden.

faith in God... is like dad's driving. Faith is like sitting in Dad's car. you're really scared cos he drives so fast, so dangerously, and tailgates excessively.. in such situations, all you can think abt is crashing, nasty accidents resulting in tangled heaps of twisted metal. basically - the worst things. but then, thinking back on his driving record, i realise that statistically, he's never had an accident.
Sure he drives fast, but he's never had a mishap. so... just sit there, relax your grip on the handle, and just trust.

I can't believe I came up with tht...

something's definitely got to me... I no longer jump for joy when I talk to her. I no longer am filled with sheer utter joy and jubilance upon hearing her voice. the light that once shone in the darkness no longer guides the way. how can this be? tut tut... I have to find new meaning now. where and when? if ever? even blogging is giving less relief. it was but temporary. how short our attention span is.

I think its a sense of loss. it seems everyday that the wait may prove more n more futile. an utter waste of time. just an accumulation of hurt. with no pot of gold at the end. get a move on u piece of shit.

even pieces of shit move (being spaded or biodegradable, or carted away by strange insects).

Why do we have to give up what we love? Life gives us many choices, and with each choice, there’s a sacrifice involved. In economic terms, we’re talking about opportunity cost here (the only thing I ever learnt frm econs actually). why do we alwiz love something that is not good for us? Girls go for “bad boys” that are not good for them, and guys fall in love with girls who toy with their feelings. do we all like getting hurt that much? Is it a silent rebellion against “momma noes best” somehow?

mebbe it’s the element of danger. the proximity of being close to the edge akin to a secret that you’re just dying to tell others – cos it gives us a platform on which to stand on. Or perhaps that life is so much more meaningful when there’s the chance that we can lose something we treasure. Like a romantic tale out of a paperback, something we hold close to our bosom, a story to take to our grave.. perhaps only a few good friends may hear of it. mebbe its just sexy. mebbe it’s a BDSM thing.

How do we go abt alwiz torturing ourselves. Even when we think we’re content, something will come along and BLAM – paradigm shift.. throws it all out of perspective. They said “live life without regrets”, but there will alwiz be regret. even when u do something so u won’t regret, u may just regret that u did it anyway. It’ll alwiz be there; unavoidable. same way when we make a choice of whether to keep or to stave off, are we ever happy? can we ever NOT think abt it? mebbe in time. Time’s supposed to heal all wounds afterall.

The heart has its reasons
for which reason knows nothing
"You cannot lose what you have never possessed"
So much for that abrasive gem
I can lose what I want
I want you

This piece is accredited to two authors, a certain dizzy feline and an adorable penguin.

In light of the current SARS situation (yes, I HAD to talk abt it..), I think we've all generally gotta be a lil' bit paranoid. just for safety's sake. I mean we're talking abt an epidemic here, not just the flu. Had a talk with my sister last nite, and she was just saying how SARS was making everyone a bit worried and all, then she started joking abt how all her colleagues seem to be sniffling and some may have fevers and all. So I asked her if they've had it checked, and she said no, and started getting defensive - "then we've all got SARS la!" doesn't she realise how easy it is for anyone of us to contract this virus? We interact with so many things, so many ppl in a day, if ONE of them was a carrier, tht's it la.. the possibility is so great, what if tht seat u took on the bus had someone's sputum on it cos he sneezed somehow, or the ah mah dusted the seat beside yours? I dun care if tht's your fren we're talking abt.. if he's got it, its highly likely tht you could get it too!

its one of those movie plots where the killer winds up being the one closest to you, and you just feel a sense of bo-bianness. who woulda thought ya?

its affecting everything: friends, school, travel overseas, gosh.. everything. where we would normally just think "oh, tht poor sod's sick, and he's coughing irritatingly", now when we hear a cough or a sneeze, we instinctively stop inhaling, cover our orifices, and think "ohmigod, what if tht guy's got SARS?!" and start distancing ourselves. Instant ostracism. so if there's someone hanging around u and u can't seem to shake him, just start sneezing and coughing and feeling your forehead.

SARS this SARS tht, so many jokes to make light of the whole situation. but under all tht, everyone's scared..

and its cos of this that I developed the perfect excuse to skip tutorial today. justified? hell, yea.

City Sharks is a local movie starring Nicholas Lee, Sheikh Haikel, Keagan Kang, et al. I haven't really decided if its a good or bad movie yet. its bordering on bad right now, but still has much semblance of good. and I noe i laffed a great deal. then again, it could be cos of armybud Big Jay.. he's a barrel of laughs anytime! So anyways, the movie- well... it started bad.. I figured it wanted to differentiate it self from the slew of "Singaporean" (read singlish) movies being churned out of the independent movie industry. It wasn't singlish, but it mite have been too slangy.. then again, there were many scenes where the actors weren't sure if they wanted to slang or sling... this mite be a product of the non-manjen movie-makers, perhaps the stew of singapore culture has finally emerged with a purely unique singaporean feel which I may be uncomfortable with rite now.

if you tot sheikh haikel would have saved the movie? well... he was part of the redeeming factors of the flick, but in the earlier part of the movie, his character was going thru an identity crisis and had the whole "yo momma wassup!" shit... really way off to me. his "bounciness" finally came thru and the trio really clicked towards the end.

I thought the best part was the campiness of the whole flick... the retro element, the cross-dressing bits, the survivor-esque get-ups, the mama-sans... u gotta watch it and tell me what you think... oh yea... and Michelle Saram.... oooh boy is she hot... I nvr tot her hot AT ALL till City Sharks... but wat a character... heh... and yes! not to mention the subtle singaporean-only jokes - gum at the causeway, etc etc..

there ya go. my first impromptu movie review. all in all an OK movie. enuff for now. on to work... *rite*

Something's up. Its times when you're down and you realise that you're down but you realise that its not what you thought it was cos you can pinpoint what its NOT about that.. wat a mouthful, yea, one when u can do the above, then you start to worry.. what exactly issit tht's getting you down now? Dun tell me its tht whole spate again, where there's lots of moping around, smiles become forced, there is absolutely zero motivation in getting ANYTHING done and all you wanna do is listen sombrely to loud music (or emo)... or just sit around feeling sorry for yourself. Looks like its tht time again. I'm too young for this. yes. I declare myself depressed, again, and should anyone have a leggy, physically-attractive blonde shrink who accepts payment in kind (the sexual kind), pls contact this poor sod.

I was pondering on stuff as usual, and there I chanced upon the thought that it wasn't her tht was getting me down this time. cos she hasn't done anything lately, in fact, she was wonderful last nite (wonderfully friendly and warm, as alwiz). And I haven't spent enuff time with her over the last week to really start having those flashbacks of times together, the what we dids, and what we almost dids (now kids, dun be pervy. she's really sweet!), so I kinda figured it prolly wasn't her at all this time. And I figured that mebbe there WAS something else bugging me, and that I've been thinking its her and all, but in actual fact... its not. *scary thought* and I'm just using her as an excuse!?? In all this, I'm just so glad that she's still willing to be such a wonderful person to me (and boy is she busy with work). Dun think anyone'll understand this.

or mebbe I'm just sad that I'm losing Il Piccolo Mostro... That possibility has surfaced time and again. Everytime I drive, I dun get the same feeling I get when I ride. there's alwiz a natural high from riding, from the wind-in-your-face effect, to the rumble of pure power, to the elation of managing to negotiate the tightest squeezes between cars and such. but in a car, all I can do is follow the car in front REALLY close.. and tht's abt it... lane-switching for fun? dangerous in tht big heap of metal we affectionately call "the car". speeding? fines are even more expensive, and we noe I can't afford anymore points, let alone pay for fines... how abt pose in the car? haha... rite. I'm definitely losing a big part of my life..

I had a chat with a lolita once and she mentioned that my bike was part of my personality. so I asked her "would I be selling my personality if I sold my bike"? that was one of the biggest considerations I had before I decided. and it was on that fateful rainy day, under the CTE that it was decided that Il Mostro would have to go. So am I shortchanging myself? am I casting away a part of myself? Is there life after biking?

I have this feeling I'm going to be shortchanged on the whole "sell your bike and I'll get you a car" deal. hmm, mebbe THAT's getting me down. mom kinda let that out this morning. mark my words... you saw it first on juneandtheocean.

Just testing this site... can't believe I wasted the whole morning of the busiest week of this sem doing it. WTF!?? Where are your priorities dude!?

ohyea, just wanted to mention that one of the reasons I started this was: I was thinking of doing a page all about her. freaky? yea... I tot it mite have been, so I scrapped it, instead, I'll just make a page full of obsessed writings yea? won't freak her out as much u think? haha. rite.

speaking of which- how can u walk away from one of the things in life that brings u such joy tht nothing else can ever, or has ever come close to? I'm talking about riding here. even in times of turmoil, I could alwiz fall back on my baby. go for long rides, hard rides, droning rides (perfect for thinking). or just get on and go somewhere to sit and think, watch the sky, the horizon. anything. it was alwiz me and my baby. sometimes buddy would come along. sometimes I'd go meet other dudes on bikes for suppers. that was my culture for over three years. I guess you mite say it was a relationship.

I've never even had a relationship that lasted that long. Since I noe its impending, what am I doing to prepare myself for this big break-up? nothing. its the usual Dude-thing, where I just distance myself before-hand. Walk away from it, then get some aftereffects that last a short while. I'll be fine after that. rite? should be. I'll deal with it when it hits me. All I noe is I had a great big smile when potentialbuyer2 was trying il mostro out last nite. up and down he went; I knew he'd love the ride soon enuff. the marquee of the Monster. the best ride I ever had.

will follow up on feelings on this, sure enuff.

Welcome to the first ever posting in this all-new, all warped blog. Created by first-time blogger - Dude Q! Yes, its a psuedonym.. hasn't it been all the rage since the dawn of irc and icq? could be an archaic thing, *shrugs*.

Anyway, a short brief into what to expect on this site: I really have no idea. Play by ear kinda thing... rite now, I have an idea that there shall be no mention of names within this blog unless specifically requested by the less shy. Of course there'll be lots of rantings from my shallow over-emotional side ( this mite or mite not be the cause of the potential boredom), and occasional mention of some zen-insight thru the learning of martial arts (particularly one - the way of the Sword).

Right now, I really dunno if this Blog is meant to be read by people I noe, or issit just another one of those things to do on the path to normalcy (just cos "everyone else is doing it") as a certain good friend of mine mite imply.

This certain good friend has implied that my delving into many various activities recently reflects on me as a person - I'm undecided on what I want in life, and thus can offer no security, which in turn reduces my chances with women. What "activities" are we talking about here - martial art, climbing, diving, and others which you'll prolly find out more of as we go along.

*pang of the moment* lying down with a certain special person under the immense powder sky - sharing the beauty, wonder and company.