I had such a great time in KL over the weekend. And the one thing I missed out on doing, was taking the rides at the indoor amusement park at Berjaya Times Square - Cosmos!
Despite the cheap RM$25 entry (inclusive of ALL rides), it was pass-uppable then cos I tot that having my kendo frens go with me to together would make it all the more noisy and I'm sure that we'd all have a blast! But today, alas and alack.. there came an email from Arubin, revealing the mysterious venues for the ASEAN Kendo Tournament this coming weekend in KL.. and lo n behold.. its not actually in KL.. but in Selangor.. yes, a neighbouring state.. but it ain't gonna be the same rite? its not a simple RM$3.60 cab-ride from our lodgings to the shopping centre anymore!! SIGH..
yes, the focus was the tournament, but I was hoping to sidetrack too.. its not that I dun think the AKT is important, I just felt that spending time bonding with the kendo community in such trips will prove to be a boon as well. That we dun just fight together, we actually do other stuff together too.. and overseas too (even if its just the causeway)!
Some other time perhaps, now, we're going all-out for the AKT (blind-sided temporarily by this weekend's scouting trip)!

Three Nouns

Three Nouns

Confidence
It is possible to lose confidence. In recent weeks, I have come to realise, thru a failure to act with confidence, that I have lost smtg I used to have. Yes, there are several types of it, and in varying degrees, but I realise, where I used to do certain things with surety and without having to think it thru, I now am plagued by worries, fear and anxiety, as well as an inability to follow-thru. They say that if you think hard enuff abt smtg, it will manifest itself, perhaps I should try it. Get it back, get it back, get it back...

Disappointment
I tot I heard someone I respect greatly say smtg that made me stop and turn and think today. I had immense amounts of respect for him, and am always singing his praises, trying to see into his actions, to interpret them to see what the hidden meaning behind them was. But when he revealed this kink in his armour, I was thoroughly taken aback, to the point of stopping in mid-step, frozen in disbelief. I just hope that wat he said at that point in time was me mis-hearing it, noeing how I am half deaf most of the time.. But if I heard it right, then I dunno how I will be able to hold him in such a high regard in future anymore.

Joy
I have a new source of light in my life. I did not realise it till this evening actually. All the old joys have sort of faded to the background; they're still there, but this new one has sorta taken precedence for now. I lived for moments previously, and I lived for time spent with ppl. I lived for the exhilaration and the suspense, as well as for the entertainment, adrenaline and passion. I even lived for the sense of accomplishment. Recently, a little fish has swam into my fishbowl, invaded it, and left an indelible mark, which I fear, will be harder to wash away than dried-up bird-droppings. However, a similar noun - die - will come in soon, and like a bug-eyed goldfish, this one mite die too. I only wish there was a longer lifespan to it, or a way tht it will survive for a longer time.

you dun run to a professional and tell the professional what to do. you run to them and give them your probs, and they'll solve it for you. nabei.

"Dun forget to pluck your twangers and play with your balls!"
No matter how many times I've seen this.. its still freaking AHHHHH funny! so overt! did we ever watch this ep and sing along when we were kids?

This is such a beautiful song, its been stuck in my head for the past week. I just can't get it outta my head.. especially when riding. hmm..

The Blower's Daughter
~Damien Rice

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

The creative force behind Warcraft: Metzen

The creative force behind Warcraft: Metzen

Was just surfing when I came across a name today. 'Metzen' seemed tied to a lot of warcraft concept artwork (which inspired me a lot in sec sch). I did a little search and found a gallery of his contributions. Turns out Chris Metzen is the creative director of Blizzard Entertainment, the well-known game company that has lasted since 1994.
His artwork, from what I've seen, is mostly with pencil, black n white, lots of detail, facial expressions and action. They range from sci-fi to fantasy, a breeding ground for dark and devious deeds. It reminded me of the Lone Wolf series that I was once an avid fan and Kai Grandmaster of (play the online version of the gamebooks here). I'll not be hanging paintings in my home next time, instead shall be placed upon the walls, pencil-sketch classics like Metzen's art.


I love illustrating! Back then when it was really hip with me, we called it drawing. Just a pencil, paper (be it torn out from exercise books, on textbooks, and even table surfaces), and just draw away. Sometimes i'd idly doodle, other times I'd actually come up with characters and even scenes! Those now-defunt creative juices really flowed then. I kept 2 exercise books of an imaginary team of heroes (and 1 heroine), in which I'd add a new character every so often. If I still had those, I could actually track the phases that I went thru since I could draw till my army days. You see, my mom threw them out during the period where I moved houses a lot. Since then I've made it a point to keep my sketch books. Sadly, they've hardly been touched since NS.

there's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
there's still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
it's still a little hard to say, what's going on

stones taught me to fly
love, it taught me to lie
life, it taught me to die
so it's not hard to fall
when you float like a cannon ball

it's not hard to grow when you know that you just don't know

~ Cannonball, Damien Rice

Click for a sample.

A nite of reminiscences

A nite of reminiscences

Seeing as how its rare i watch tv, tonite was a reason to buy 4D. I actually caught some action on primetime television. For some strange reason, each actress I saw on tv reminded me of someone or other, and then I spent some minutes thereafter thinking back on certain moments with them (afterall, we live for the moments don't we? rightly, we should be able to recall them!). Each person who came to mind had a particular significance, and there was always a start but not always an end-point. As we progress thru life, we're allowed the chance to take stock of the situation, and correct the path if necessary.
So now, I've come this far, many things are still out of my hands, I realise. I can only try to manipulate the situation so much. As the hymn goes: leave it in the hands of ...?

Actually, I'm just exploding to say smtg having had too much time to take stock of current standings. There's gotta be smtg wrong when there's just so much to say but no one to say it to except to a digital receptacle.

Anyway, here's wat i want to say: Rosalind Pho is sooo cute...

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

~ Perfect, Simple Plan

the Johari's Window

the Johari's Window

I rem a lesson in HRM (Human Resource Management) where the lecturer introduced the concept of the Johari's Window - where there are 4 aspects to ourselves: 1) the side where everyone noes abt, 2) the side where only I noe n keep hidden from others, 3) the side where only others noe but I dunno, 4) the side where no one (even myself) noes.
In Kendo, and even in real life, we meet some ppl who just read others so well. They can observe your behaviour and noe things abt u immediately that u thought u've managed to hide so well.
So what I've been wondering abt lately is how ppl see me. How do ppl see me, what do they see in me, wat do they noe abt me? Yes, there's the side that I present to them, but what abt the side they see in me that I dun even realise of? What about the aspects to me that I dun even noe abt n yet they see so blatantly? And then there are the aspects that ppl say they see in me, but despite constant reinforcement, I still doubt holds true. What then? Even worse, its smtg bad and I fail to correct it!
Perhaps I'm still too concerned abt what others think. I've spouted so much about how one should be happy with what we have, and try not to hope too much. Yet its smtg I dun really live by, still letting too many other things dominate my life.
I've heard stories of kendo jigeiko where 2 ppl cross swords for the first time, and without even making a full-out attack, they noe all about the other person's character.. just by that connection they have in that short little faceoff. If it were that easy to read a person, just by a touch, or an unspoken dialogue (yes, an oxymoron!).
So what do you know abt me that even I noe not? Enlighten me pls.

Sarcasm is wasted on the oblivious

Sarcasm is wasted on the oblivious

I used to be an employer of sarcasm. I used it for much evil. My sister was the receiver of much of it in my younger days (bless her). However, there was a change, and somewhere along the line, I was 'tamed'.
It still surfaces tho, from time to time. But its taken on a new tinge. Its become so integrated into my psyche tht even when I dun mean it, ppl are unsure. I guess its got its advantages, cos sometimes ppl just dun get it.
Then there are times when I wanna convey a msg employing sarcasm, sometimes there's that sick little triumphant feeling when i 'score'. but the worst is when tht effort is wasted on the oblivious. or the good intentioned. employ niceties and gayness in its place perhaps.

Today on Singapore Idol

Today on Singapore Idol

I used to bully him in primary school.



He hasn't changed one bit.. there's still tht smidgen of facial hair on his upper lip ala LaoFuZhi. Glad to see some ppl really stay true to themselves.

Do you know what's waiting beyond that beach? Immortality! Take it! It's yours!

Do you know what's waiting beyond that beach? Immortality! Take it! It's yours!

Today, after a talk with the boss, I had many thoughts in my head during the long ride home from Clementi. I puposely chose the scenic route this nite.
I stand on the edge of my past, looking out into the future. My path diverges at this point, and either road seems just as easy to go down, with varying outcomes, of course. The choice is not mine. My part in the choice was to take the path that got me here.
Actually, while planning out my possibilities, I also managed to slot in the opportunities that I was afforded so far. And I must say I am a rather lucky guy, if you believe in luck that is. Some people never get what I was lucky enuff to have presented rite in front of me. It could be such that some ppl never bothered to grab what was rite in front of them too. And that it was not mere luck, but good timing and reactions? haha
In any case, yes, I stand on the verge of 2 entities: greatness or indebtedness. I intend that I achieve the former of course, thus the planning and scheming.. (no la, just wanted to be dramatic). Sure, it can only bring me so far, and in the end, it's the action and eventual outcome that will show where I end up.
To place your hope on an intended outcome that for the most part is not in your control.. is quite scary. We'll see how it goes. I've not thought of a backup for IF it doesn't pan out yet. Hope? haha.. tht's something I have little faith in.

Orgasmatron

Orgasmatron

OH MY GOD.......
This truly truly... is.. damn.. SHIOK!



Trust the Aussies to come up with this. We have one in the office now... wahh.........

*satisfied/ grinning-like-an-idiot look*

*Update*
So far, everyone who's stepped into the office and tried it, has admitted liking it.. until told the name of the gadget, u can almost see them blush! It has afforded my not-so-female colleagues many innuendo-shooting chances.. heh. =)